How do I feel?
Let me start by saying that how I feel does not matter to the family of George Floyd. They have lost a family member. For that, I can only begin to imagine how they feel and I extend my deepest sympathy. I only hope they find solace in knowing that people will be talking about their loved one for years to come. And that, perhaps, change will come from his horrific death.
- I feel confused by the relative lack of reaction by the majority to the blatant murder of George Floyd when frankly his race should not even matter. All people should be repulsed by the nine minutes a vile, racist, pathetic former cop kneeled on Floyd’s neck, hands in his pocket like he was bored, not listening to repeated “I can’t breathe”. But heartened that MOST cops agree he was flagrantly wrong.
- I feel annoyed by the surprise of so many that George Floyd was not the first unarmed black man suspected of a nonviolent offense to die at the hands of a law enforcement officer. If you need to research, start with these links (1, 2, 3, 4, 5 – there are many more!) Sad that once the hashtag no longer trends, people forget to say the names of those killed.
- I feel angered that white mass shooters (not suspects) have been treated more humanely than black men who were suspected of selling cigarettes or passing a forged $20 bill.
- I feel tired of the burden always being on me to reach out and educate and share my thoughts and feelings when what I really want is for people to do their research before turmoil. Thanks for offering to “listen”, but what exactly have you been doing the past 50 years?
- I feel devastated that looters and thugs are diverting attention from the moral and just cause of the protests. And that people are conveniently forgetting that “riots” have often been the American way of getting to solutions (e.g, destroying British property by dumping their tea in to the Boston Harbor, throwing coins and sticks at police at Stonewall)
- I feel saddened to think that the only reason the reaction was swift and strong was because someone videotaped what happened. But I encourage EVERYONE to learn the rules on taping. And follow Shaun King who has made it a mission to find the “bad apples”.
- I feel sick of people telling me they are not racist. Bravo. Thank you. But that is not enough. I need you to be AGAINST racism. Yeah, I know you have black friends too. So what? You don’t see color. Bullshit. Speak out against racism.
- I feel stressed taking the calls from fellow black professionals because their managers are not listening to them or engaging in discussion and they need an outlet because they worry that talking about race will get them labeled as “Angry” or not a team player.
- I feel confused by all the people who say they don’t mind protest as long as it is peaceful. I remember Colin Kaepernick being blackballed by the league and impugned by the media. You were against Kaepernick taking a knee in peaceful and silent protest yet surprised by the anger when this former cop used his knee to kill a man.
- I feel disheartened by the number of well-intentioned people in the majority who say they are tired of talking about this and other such incidents of “a few bad apples”. White people who are tired of being called racists. I wish I had the luxury to stop talking about racism.
- I feel worried that the racist murderer will get a light sentence or none at all, as such is the history from previous killings. This is the painful reality that causes so many black people to feel hopeless.
- I feel afraid that the combination of the disproportionate impacts of covid-19 on people of color, plus the ridiculous community and small business destruction this weekend of communities by anarchists, criminals, and white nationalists, will set African Americans back another half-century.
- I feel hopeful that, while it may take decades, we will eventually emerge stronger and better.
- I feel thankful that my faith and my family allow me to hold on to a hope that is elusive to so many people out there. And I remember that blessing when I see behavior that I neither endorse or encourage.
- I understand (and I feel) the anger.
Just thought I would share it once. Thanks for asking.
Be well. Lead on.
Adam
Adam L. Stanley Connections Blog
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Please also read my perspective on why “All Lives Matter” is not a reality until Black Lives Matter.
