An Irony of Communication

Ever been in a conversation where you’re just trying to get a simple answer, and instead, you end up frustrated? That happened to me recently. I asked someone a basic question—at least I thought it was basic—and they stared at me with a confused expression. I immediately felt myself get annoyed. In my head, I was thinking, Why is this hard? But here’s the truth: they weren’t trying to be difficult. They just didn’t have the same context I did.

This is the irony of communication. We expect it to be easy. We assume others know what we know, feel what we feel, and see the situation from our perspective. But communication doesn’t work that way. We bring our full selves—our history, tone, mood, and assumptions—to every interaction. And so does the person across from us. No wonder things get lost in translation.

Sometimes, it’s an asymmetry of information—one person is walking in with the full backstory, and the other is just trying to catch up. Other times, it’s deeper. People come from completely different communication environments: military, food service, construction, corporate, academic, creative. What feels like “normal” to one person might feel abrupt, passive-aggressive, or overly detailed to another. And if you layer on different cultures, generations, and personalities, the gap gets wider.

That’s why a pause matters. It gives you space to recognize that a blank stare might just mean someone’s missing part of the story. A sharp tone might come from a background where directness was necessary. A lack of response might be the result of someone who was trained to wait their turn. It’s not always about rudeness or incompetence. Often, it’s just two people using different tools to get to the same goal.

And here’s the part I’m sitting with: sometimes the most powerful thing I can do in that moment is… pause. Not react. Not assume. Just breathe and reset. That little pause can be the difference between escalating a moment and actually connecting with someone.

We all say we want to be better communicators. But maybe it starts with being better at assuming less. Letting go of the idea that we’re always being disrespected when someone doesn’t respond the way we expect. That’s hard work. It’s daily work. But it’s worth it.

So next time someone doesn’t “get it,” I’m going to try to ask myself: What are they missing that I can help fill in? Not: Why are they being difficult?

Because most of the time, they’re not. They’re just human—like me.