by Adam L Stanley | Jul 20, 2016 | Leadership, Life, Relationships
Are you allowing your colleagues to get to know YOU?
Recently, I was asked by Todd Tukey “What advice would you give a 14 year-old based on what you’ve learned to date?” Todd was writing a series of blog posts intended to empower youth. (Here is first post)
I thought long and hard about this question. I turned over different tidbits on my education, leveraging support networks, and never being afraid to ask for help. Obviously I thought about working hard, the value of teamwork, etc. I thought about striving to be the best, setting clear goals, and more. The things that were coming to my mind were aspects that drove the first 10 years of my career, and continue to be important.
But in the end, they all paled in comparison to one thing that’s driven my career, my relationships, and my friendships the most: being unapologetically me.
When I got to that place and understood the power of authenticity, I wanted to sit down and write something about it. Then I checked myself. So many people — especially the leadership “gurus” — bring up authenticity as a topic. It can seem kind of old. It can also seem preachy. And then my other fear, which is maybe a bit misguided, is that if I put down a bunch of revealing thoughts on authenticity, I’d somehow jinx myself.
I turned all that over in my head for a while and finally decided to put down some thoughts. Here goes.
Being phony is stressful.
Duh.
Maryam Kouchaki, a professor of management and organizations at Northwestern University, has done a bunch of work around being authentic vs. being phony in work contexts. Here’s a quote from one of her write-ups that struck me:
“We shouldn’t overlook the psychological distress that comes with inauthentic behavior,” she says. “Just as an immoral act violates widely accepted societal moral norms and produces negative feelings, an inauthentic act violates being true to oneself, and it can take a similar toll.”
We talk a lot about immoral actions at work, especially in the context of inflated CEO pay or executives taking liberties. But all in all, that stuff is rare. People being inauthentic at work? That happens every minute. It happens for different reasons, but I’d argue No. 1 is notions around professionalism. People are afraid that if they act ‘real’ at work, it might offend a boss or higher-up — and that will limit their career trajectory. I know. I’ve felt that way myself.
Over time, I’ve come to look at it like this: some people will love me. Some will hate me. The majority fall somewhere in the middle. But as you work and develop other relationships, you can’t alter your personality or hide key parts of who you are. That decision — to be yourself, always — is one of the most critical career choices you ever make. It’s a lot bigger than whether to jump from Job A to Job B, if you plan to be inauthentic at both spots.
Harness the power of letting yourself be YOU.
Here are a few benefits I saw from pursuing authenticity at work:
My work relationships got stronger
Early in my career, I thought that to succeed you had to like the same things as your colleagues, do the same things that your colleagues do, and talk about the same things as your colleagues. When I made the decision to be myself, talking about things that mattered to me, I realized just how wrong I was.
My colleagues actually were interested in knowing more about who I was. I hadn’t been very social out of work in those days, and my colleagues were assuming I just wasn’t a social person. Once I contextualized that, and started being me, those dynamics got deeper. I felt like I wasn’t “hiding” anything anymore.
My personal relationships also got stronger
For a long time, I kept a strict ‘church and state’ between my partner at home and my work (same with my family/friends and work). It was a very strong, very defined line for me.
Over time, as I broke down those walls, I saw some of my personal relationships change. My friends and my partner saw why I was working late. They met other people who were there until 8pm dealing with a difficult banking client on a consulting engagement. They were also able to see what made me happy in a work context, what made me upset, and get to know the personalities of the people I was spending 10-12 hours/day with. This made my personal relationships stronger because we had more of a lexicon. There was more to discuss. And now my partner and friends had access to a part of my life I had previously closed off.
My output got stronger
Think of it like this: if you have a colleague with limited English language skills in an American meeting, what tends to happen? When a big idea is being discussed, that colleague might have a great perspective but struggle to verbalize. He expends so much energy trying to explain/contextualize the idea in English that the value of the idea diminishes. He’s putting all his effort towards form, whereas it should go to the more valuable facet, output and outcomes.
That’s an imperfect analogy, but it’s how I think about authenticity too. When you’re worried about every step you’re taking in terms of corporate culture (or pleasing bosses or anything else), that’s occupying a lot of your headspace. It’s hard to be strategic when you’re always checking yourself. But when you’re being yourself, in a state of flow, the ideas and output are there. I was able to deliver more and sell more. All my standard business performance metrics went up.
Hopefully my approach to this topic wasn’t too tired compared to other stuff you’ve seen or read. If you’ve had experiences at work where you’ve had to check your real self, let me know about them. What did you do? How did your thinking evolve?
Be well. Lead On.
Adam
Related Posts:
Defining the Perfect Employee – Top Traits Series Trait 1: Hard working AND talented
Investing in talent for the long-term
Peer accountability is critical to success in teams
Adam L. Stanley Connections Blog
Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
AdamLStanley.com
Follow me on Twitter | Connect with me on Linked In | “Like” me on Facebook
by Adam L Stanley | Jan 28, 2013 | Leadership, Teamwork
Talent Matters.
How many of you have been in a conversation about forming a committee to work on ways to identify and develop strong talent? Have you been a part of such committees? I have had so many invites and questions about these activities over my career, it kind of becomes a bit annoying. It’s clearly not because I do not find the goal relevant. In fact, I think talent should be on the agenda and objectives of every leader at every level, every day, and in every organisation. That is the only way to be successful. Committees organized formally to focus on talent, regardless of intent, simply do not work without concerted action and interest from leaders with a true desire to manage and grow talent. And, worse, the experience for those on such committees can be downright disheartening if they feel they are part of an academic exercise that in the end does not matter. Talent matters!
I want each of my leaders to feel excited thinking about what they are doing for their teams. What opportunities are we finding for them to stretch and be rewarded? To train them and coach them. To sell them for career enhancing roles with peers and other teams (or even other firms) even if it means losing a critical resource in our world. Talent matters!
I view every top performer in my team as a future CIO, CTO, or executive. I LOVE being able to share stories of individuals who worked with me at some point and rose through the ranks to take on major leadership roles around the world. Love it! And I firmly believe that the only reason I have been successful (or recovered quickly from failures) is because I try desperately to hire strong, develop well, and appreciate greatly. Talent matters!!
Anyone that knows me recognises that I tend to hate governance and I disdain committees. I frown on talking and planning talent development “initiatives” unless I see the signs of true interest and passion. Because a committee or initiative without passion is …. sadly, like many many many leadership teams in the corporate world … just bureaucracy.
Just my soapbox for the week. Thanks for listening. And, one more time, as I hope you’ll agree … Talent Matters!!
Be Well. Lead On.
Adam
Adam L. Stanley Connections Blog
Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
AdamLStanley.com
Follow me on Twitter | Connect with me on Linked In | “Like†me on Facebook
by Adam L Stanley | Jul 6, 2012 | Leadership, Relationships, Teamwork
Top Traits: Defining the perfect employees
Let’s face it, for most people work is a means to an end. You work so that you can eat, keep your brain active, connect with other people, learn, or reach some apex in your ambitious plan to take over the world…. Whatever the reason, for very few people work is about finding intense joy and personal satisfaction every hour of every day. That is simply not reality. But, like any other required part of our lives, we can choose how we want to handle work. We can come in every day, do what is required, talk to nobody, and leave. Or we can bring a smile into the office, do our jobs and encourage others to do theirs, and try to bring fun into what can be otherwise mundane or stressful.
I worked with someone for years that was by far the very best at a particular function. This individual was 1)Both talented and hard working, and 2)showed a true pride in the products he created…..good so far, right? If you’ve read my two preceding “Top Traits” blogs, you’d say he is a perfect employee. But wait! This person was so depressing, so negative, and so, well, just not fun! There were days where despite the value I could get out of a conversation, I could simply not do it. It would drag me down into a depression instead of inspiring me to be better. Like the Dementor guards of the Azkaban prison in the Harry Potter movies, this kind of person can simply suck the soul out of a team, an office, or a company. Which brings me to my third top trait ….
Trait # 3: Fun to Work With
If you’ve done interviews, you’ve perhaps been asked to assess “fit” with the culture of your particular company. When I started my career, I thought those interviews were inappropriate. Fit translated into Golf Club network, family connections, and politics. But as I advanced, I realised more and more that fit can make or break a leader. A leader whose style is perfect at one place will bomb elsewhere. So, to be clear, being fun isn’t always going to make you successful. You still must deliver. This is my personal opinion and what I personally look for. I want employees that are fun to work with. Period.
What I like
There are some people that simply bring joy to the office. They bring smiles, jokes, the occasional cupcake or brownie …. They bring personality and just enough of themselves to break down barriers and create a culture of openness that makes work more rewarding.
I’m not talking about class clown, chronic joking, or distraction. I’m talking about balancing the “what” with the “how”. Say you have a complex team challenge that must get done in 24 hours. You have to work pretty hard to get it done and, especially as a leader, you can be a humourless tyrant and slave driver. Or you can be an inspirational and personable motivator. I’m choosing to be the latter.
I recently spent time with some of our colleagues managing technology in Europe. During the evening, we had a team dinner and drinks and I had the opportunity to get to know the Poland, Spain and Italy leaders. We laughed, joked, and had a really great time but occasionally someone would bring up a problem facing our firm and I would ask for a recommended solution. What amazed me is how smart the team was at coming up with ideas but at the same time they were having fun and enjoying being together. That’s the kind of team I want!
In short:
Don’t be a dud.
What I need to do as a manager to enable
Smile.
When I’m having a funk of a day, I either stay home or avoid meetings. Smiles are contagious, I truly believe that. So if I can’t bring a genuine smile to the office, I try desperately to avoid contact with people! We can’t expect everyone to be happy all the time, but as a manager I need to both set an example and reward those that also bring fun to the office.
Last week, I woke to yet another rainy London day and, frankly, I was disgusted. I was so sick of rainy weather that I knew I would be in a bad mood. I went back into my kitchen, made a huge breakfast with a large strong cup of java and read a low intelligence required novel. Then, I went to the office. I was later than intended but by the time I got to the office I was refreshed and able to deal with another grey day.
Solicit feedback from team.
Talk to your teams on a regular basis to determine what makes them happy. What motivates them and when they smile, ask them why they are happy. Find something that brings them joy and do that.
Support and understand that some people just have bad days.
Recognise that some people will have bad days. Support them. Make sure they feel comfortable detaching if necessary. Make them leave if you must. If they need help, try to get it for them. And reward those that bring joy to the office and perform with a positive attitude.
In short:
Don’t be a dud.
Let me know what you think. What do you view as top employee traits? How do you build the best teams around different types of team members? Are you working hard on something worth doing?
Be sure to view all of the Top Traits:
Trait 1: Hard working AND talented
Trait 2: Pride in work product
Trait 3: Fun to work with
Be Well. Lead On.
Adam
Adam Stanley
Adam L. Stanley Connections Blog
Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
AdamLStanley.com
Follow me on Twitter | Connect with me on Linked In
