by Adam L Stanley | May 28, 2013 | Life, Relationships
My soapbox: Aim for life connections
I met someone this afternoon with whom I truly felt an immediate connection. It was scheduled to be a “career conversation” but instead was an open introduction, over tea, and very casual. The conversation reminded me of a question someone asked me recently: “How can I get better at networking like you?” Those who truly know me realize just how much this question disturbs me. But to many, this would be considered flattery. I do not consider it so at all.
The fact is, I am not a networker. In fact, I detest networking.
Networking is to me a very clinical term, and reminds me of the technology of networking. I know that like various applications in a bank, I am connected to various people. Some linkages were planned and chosen carefully, others stepped in to a role that was by default in my network. Within a network, we depend on each other to work and do our part, and if one portion of the network is significantly damaged, the rest of the network is damaged. I know that to some extent, my success depends on others in the network being able to carry something from me and me in exchange carrying something back. Networking is a fact of corporate (and community) life. However …
I am not a circuit or a router. I am a human being.
When I am in my final minutes of life, perhaps I will think to myself, “If only I had made that one additional link that would have opened up my network to another dimension!” Of course not! I like people. (Of all types! Really! Click here for a blog I wrote on the topic, noting that yes, I even love jerks and *€$holes. I just don’t necessarily want to work with them.) In any corporate network, there must be someone that is necessary but not wanted. God, I never want to be that person.
I prefer to make life connections.
Life connections are not always about business. Some examples:
– Getting to know all of the bartenders at the Artesian Bar at the Langham Hotel in London. Learning how each came from their home countries of Italy, Russia, and elsewhere, to London and why they are so passionate about cocktails. Enjoying a laugh or two whilst enjoying a cocktail or three. Side bonus: I have been introduced to a popular chef/mixologist in my hometown of Chicago for when I return. Plus, the Artesian has become a great place I can bring clients, colleagues, and other connections.
– Building a relationship of trust with my vendor partners and colleagues whereby they share personal details of their lives with me and allow me into their world. Sharing a good meal and a great bottle of wine with no talk of contracts or issues. Side bonus: we find connections we did not know existed and ways in which we can help each other out in so many more ways that traditional sourcing relationships. And, as we move to different roles in different organizations, we can call on each other for advice and support.
– Introducing two people, not because I think they can help each other, but because I just think they are both just really really cool people. Watching them get to know each other and become friends. Side bonus: people have done the same to me, bringing some of the most wonderful people I currently know into my life.
– Having a cocktail party at my house with a mixture of people I have met through work, the neighborhood coffee shop, and other connection points. Looking around and seeing there are people from five different countries with incomes and careers as diverse as chalk and cheese. Witnessing how they all learn from each other: new recipes, fashion styles, tax policy changes, technologies, dating schemes, relationship tips…. Side bonus: Learning myself about all of the above!
Many people will classify the above as examples of networking, and perhaps they are. And, to be clear, I’m not necessarily against networking entirely. I just think it is critical people start with the right perspective. And be honest! If you really just want to meet me for what I can do for you, or who I can introduce, just come out and say it. At least you will save some time! But, I encourage you to take some time to get to know yourself better, enjoy meeting people just because, and see the amazing things that will come out of your connections forged by respect, trust, and integrity. It is amazing how much more one can get from a relationship when he leads from the heart and the mind.
Enough! Off the soapbox, here is some reading …
For those of you who REALLY want to get good at Networking, especially the shy ones, here is a decent CIO magazine article on the topic.
For those of you who like me want to learn how to be a better person and know that success that comes from good just feels better inside, there are a couple of good links for you. Yes, they are a bit kooky. And there will be some who succeed despite being downright bad people (I can name a few.) But, I choose to succeed, or fail, with my values intact. Here are a few links for you:
24 ways to be a better person
How to be a good person in 5 steps
And for those few out there (certainly not a regular reader of my rants) that are downright sinister and yet deep down feel they want to be good, there is even some help for you. I found this one both intriguing and humorous.
Thanks for reading another soapbox rant. I would love to hear what you think about networking and making life connections.
As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.
Be well. Lead On.
Adam
Related Posts:
Who Am I?
Expectations of Leaders at all Levels
Khalil Gibran on Leadership
Lessons from Henry V
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by Adam L Stanley | Jan 21, 2013 | Leadership, Life, Quotes and Inspiration
Contemplating a dream in 2013 : Martin Luther King Jr.
I couldn’t imagine a more fitting tribute to the legacy and life of Martin Luther King Jr than the second term inauguration of President Barack Obama on the day Americans celebrate his birthday. So in honour of the day, I thought I would share a few of my favorite MLK quotes and what they have meant to me personally.
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King, Jr.
For me, this has meant taking on challenges that are nasty, gnarly, and complex. It is easy to be calm and composed when things are going well, my daily challenge is to keep the positivity and fresh perspective even when it seems the cards are all stacked against me.
A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus. Martin Luther King, Jr.
As a leader of large organisations, I have found several people that spend weeks, months, years! trying to get to an agreement on direction and strategy. And nothing gets done. This quote inspires me to try to balance democracy with action. Getting things done by gathering opinion quickly and getting to a decision, then driving support for the decision.
We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. Martin Luther King, Jr.
If I had a dollar for every person that smiled in my face then stabbed me in the back … well France would take 75% of it in taxes….. Also, we all know those types that beat us up when things are bad and forget to make any comments when things are good. Finally, there are some people that despite the best intentions just screw up. For all of the above, my philosophy is based on MLK’s principles (borrowed, of course, from the teachings in the Bible): Forgive! Forgive! Forgive! I frankly don’t have the time or energy to hold grudges. Don’t be fooled, however, into thinking that means I can be walked over. I do act and take decisions based on the grievances. I simply move on immediately thereafter.
I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. Martin Luther King, Jr.
See above! And, also my previous blogs on who to love. Life is simply too short to do anything less than love unconditionally.
That’s my short list and there are many many more quotes from this great yet flawed man. I learn much from him and from others and look forward to gleaning from the texts of today’s leaders for examples, both good and bad, of being a leader in this changing world.
For today, I say congratulations to President Barack Obama and to his family. May the next four years bring you the sense of accomplishment you desire but also the peace and love that comes with family, friends, and a sense that you have not compromised your values.
Be Well. Lead On.
Adam
Adam Stanley
Adam L. Stanley Connections Blog
Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
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by Adam L Stanley | Jun 1, 2012 | Life
Currently my favorite blog post ever…. So many people need to see this one.
Lesism – by Les Floyd: With Friends Like These….
Favorite Excerpts:
… we accept such sustained criticism and destructive negativity from ourselves – truly the one person in the world who is always with us, and who we should be able to rely on at all times.
The storage device in your head is not you – it just records what you’ve done, where you’ve been, who you’ve met and what you’ve seen – and when it mocks, insults or criticises you, it only does so because it’s not working as it should.
by Adam L Stanley | Mar 19, 2012 | Life, Relationships
Revisiting “Who Do You Love?
There is within each one of us a potential for goodness beyond our imagining; for giving which seeks no reward; for listening without judgment; for loving unconditionally.
Elisabeth Kabler-Ross
I recently wrote a blog on loving people of all types, just because. I asked the question: If we assume that everyone is flawed in someway, don’t we all at least equally deserve love? So I created a list of all kinds of ways people are described everyday and urged folks to just go ahead and love all of them!
A former colleague of mine, Gary, introduced me to , a cool online tool and I had to try it out. So I used their online tool to turn my blog laundry list into a graphic. Thanks for the introduction Gary and, to my readers, thanks for humouring me!
Here it is:
And here is the link to the original blog post.
Be Well. Lead On.
Adam
Adam Stanley
Adam L. Stanley Connections Blog
Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
AdamLStanley.com
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by Adam L Stanley | Jan 23, 2012 | Life, Relationships
Each relationship between two persons is absolutely unique. That is why you cannot love two people the same. It simply is not possible. You love each person differently because of who they are and the uniqueness that they draw out of you.
William P. Young, The Shack
Do you have friends that seem great at tearing you down but never seem to build you up? Even worse, are you such a friend? I will admit there are a couple of people in my life that I am convinced accept me solely because of my corporate success or other temporal aspects of being. I sometimes get the sense that if I were homeless, had children out of wedlock, were exceptionally unattractive based on their criteria, or otherwise against their standards for who to love and appreciate, I would be a side thought. So, I spent the weekend thinking about who I love and who deserves to be loved. The answer is: EVERYONE AND NOONE. If we used the standard of truly deserving to be loved, perfectly living God-fearing saints, there would be ZERO people that should be loved. However, if we assume that everyone is flawed, don’t we all at least equally deserve love?
So, who do you love? Here is my list.
unresponsive, overdramatic
Predictable, blond
Grumpy,
determined
Passionate, judgmental, introverted
angry, short
restless
distracted
Hindu
Bald, chubby
complicated, idealistic, dissatisfied, anxious
Brunette, nosy, knowledgeable
trustworthy
polite, picky
cheerful, beautiful
observant
Fit
insecure, doubtful, tall
cheeky, single
grateful
Nervous, handsome
Fashionable
encouraging
simple, Buddhist
dependent, rude
awkward, Christian
naïve, divorced
Obese, plain, scruffy
self-conscious
pessimistic, Latino,
hot!
incompetent, conservative
inflexible, straight, Chinese
cowardly
Unkempt
Stupid, bitchy, liberal
Widowed, vulgar
selfish, unhappy
cynical, gay, married
needy, feminine
Kind, frumpy
Hairy, suave, healthy
Irrational
Sexy
childish, passive
calculating
Lesbian
fussy, camp
quixotic, Caucasian
Irritating, nice, sweet, helpful
understanding
sympathetic
smart, black
friendly
Vegan
indecisive, redhead
anal, diplomatic, sentimental
Addicted
Organized
Fat
dependable, long hair
Masculine, tolerant
modest, short
romantic
reflective, clean
Meat and potatoes only
confident
TOTAL ASSHOLE
Bipolar
logical
Australian, British, Kiwi
sensible
engaging
cute, aware
Self-righteous
dedicated
loving, queeny
impatient, stubborn, critical
talkative
reciprocating, meticulous, short hair
Tall, naughty
patient
loyal, compassionate
forgiving
admiring, silly, faithful, caring
considerate, skinny
apologetic
Dirty
Flawed
I’m sure I’ve missed some traits or groups but I think you get the picture. Imagine if everyone person to whom you showed love resulted in another person loving you? The person you dismiss because of their speaking style, their clothing, their job or lack thereof, their race or religion …. May just be the person that changes your life one day. And perhaps, by showing love to that one stranger, you just might change theirs.
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7 (TNIV)
“The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.” Mitch Albom
“Selfish persons are incapable of loving others, but they are not capable of loving themselves either.” Erich Fromm
Love BIG. Lead on.
Best,
Adam
Adam L. Stanley
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“We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give.”
Winston Churchill
by Adam L Stanley | Jan 16, 2012 | Life, Quotes and Inspiration
Honoring Martin Luther King Jr. by Living, Learning, and Loving
Martin Luther King Jr
Those of you who follow me on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or at least occasionally read this blog likely have gotten a sense of what is most important to me.
1) Living, an easy word so misunderstood by most, is a major focus. I mean truly living. Enjoying your days and nights, doing things that excite you, finding balance between various areas of your life so that each minute is more valuable and your regrets later in life are minimized. Make that call you have been putting off. Take that vacation you dreamed of. You don’t have to declare “email bankruptcy” but you can find balance by just cutting an hour off the time you spend each night on email or staring at your smart phone.
2) Learning – travelling, meeting new people, listening to elders, studying, reading, writing …. doing whatever I can to become a better person and to help others become better people. They say a person learns the most before they are 7 years old. But you don’t have to STOP learning then, as it seems so many people have done. It thrills me every time I meet someone different than me. Sitting with my grandmother in her last days was fantastic as I was able to glean from her almost 90 years of living. Never stop learning.
3) Loving– LOVE BIG, even at the risk of being hurt. Give those around you your best. Hug a lot, and not just those “pat on the back” hugs. I mean those hugs like my grandpa used to give me that made me think I was going to suffocate but man, did I feel the love. Hug BIG! Say thank you often and do little things that can mean so much at the right time. FORGIVE!!! Think of someone you love right now. If you love big, you should be smiling! Because no matter their faults or crimes, people you love should matter. Always. And finally, LOVE even those you do not know. There are so many people out there that have no family. They need you to show LOVE by giving and reaching out.
Martin Luther King Quotes
In honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I want to share my favorite quotes from the man that was flawed as we all are but did his part to advance the conversation. His words serve as inspiration to me in some ways, and admonishment in others. He spoke often of living, loving and learning and quotes around these topics have tended to be my favorites!
Living
Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can’t ride you unless your back is bent.
Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.
Learning
I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.
Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
Everything that we see is a shadow cast by that which we do not see.
Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable… Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.
Loving
The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: “If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?” But… the good Samaritan reversed the question: “If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?”
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.
Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’
Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.
There are so many more quotes I could include but these are some of my favorites. What are yours? What does this day mean to you? Share below, and please share this blog.
Be Well. Lead On.
Adam
Adam L. Stanley Connections Blog
Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
AdamLStanley.com
Follow me on Twitter |  Connect with me on Linked In |  Like†me on Facebook
“We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give.”— Winston Churchill
I met someone this afternoon with whom I truly felt an immediate connection. It was scheduled to be a “career conversation” but instead was an open introduction, over tea, and very casual. The conversation reminded me of a question someone asked me recently: “How can I get better at networking like you?” Those who truly know me realize just how much this question disturbs me. But to many, this would be considered flattery. I do not consider it so at all.
, a cool online tool and I had to try it out. So I used their online tool to turn my blog laundry list into a graphic. Thanks for the introduction Gary and, to my readers, thanks for humouring me!
