My friends and colleagues that know me well know that I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions. Sure, I want to be healthier, work out more, make more phone calls, blah, blah, and blah. But why tell everyone that each January when life changes too frequently for those kind of commitments. Last year, I drafted a list of five simple things people could resolve to do instead of their normal lists. And I stand to that. I would love to hear whether you tried any of them. (See here if you did not read that post.)
This year, instead of a resolution, I decided to document something much more important.
My Personal Ten Commandments
I got this idea from a book of ideas I received from a professional organization I have just joined. And I think it is brilliant. Your life will change. Your job will change. Your circle of friends will evolve. But your core values and principles should be consistent. And while you may compromise on compensation, title, which restaurant to dine at or movie to see, there should be certain things about which you refuse to compromise. Here are my personal 10 Commandments. I would love to see yours!
I. I will put life before money
Money is helpful in life but it is not life. I enjoy the fruits of my career, but do not be deceived as I would rather have nothing than sellout my core values. I will not devote my life to the pursuit of money, popularity, prestige, or social status. I will not envy someone else’s worldly goods, personal or professional reputation, achievements or any temporary success.
II. I will be my authentic self.
Regardless of how successful someone might seem, trying to emulate that person will not make me equally successful. Yes, that jerk has made it to a high point in his career. But I am not a jerk. I do not want to be a jerk. And if being a jerk is required to get to that next step, I will accept my ceiling happily.
III. I will never use religion to justify intolerance
I am unashamedly and apologetically a Christian. My beliefs influence how I act and how I make decisions. However, my beliefs are personal and should never be used for hate or harm. I expect the same from others but sadly this has not been the case, especially of late.
IV. I will never lose sight of the big picture.
Details are important, but too often relationships are hurt, jobs killed, and wars lost because people lost sight of what really mattered. I will endeavor to always see the forest AND the trees.
V. In all that I do, I will strive for high quality
I must continually look to improve on old models and practices, working to dedicate myself to being the best that I can be, everyday, in whatever activity or cause to which I find myself attached.
VI. I will love, honor, and cherish those that nurtured me
The purpose of life is to gather the wisdom of the ages, add your individuality and change the world. Try to make it a better or at least a more interesting place. H Wexler
My mom and dad, my sister and my best friends. My mentors Ken P, Louis R, Mike E, Jack W, Adam S, Dan K, and on an on. You mean so much to me and have taught me so much. I learned from you and for that I thank you. I hope to provide similar nurturing to future leaders.
VII.No one is better than me and I am no better than anyone else
Do not treat the lives of other people as less valuable than your own. Ever. No matter how right you may feel. Start with the premise of equality and then try to find the perspective of the other side. I am saddened by the hatred in the world today largely caused by people forgetting the one rule that exists in all major world religions. Treat others as you want to be treated. Do not be prejudiced. I will always try to get to know the individual and not judge him or her by a race, religion, or other characteristic.
VIII. I will allow individuals to drive their destiny and take responsibility for their decisions
I blogged on this recently with a focus on senior leaders. But the principle applies to everyone. If you allow people to make as many decisions about their own lives and circles, they will be better equipped than you. And, they can learn from their successes and failures.
IX. I will be honest and fair
A white lie is a lie. Misleading people is like telling a white lie. Hiding key elements of a complete story is misleading people. I will strive to be as honest and true as possible, managing truth that could hurt people effectively but never hiding the truth to avoid difficult conversations. I will not cheat or exploit people. I will not always be polite or politically correct, but I will be respectful.
X. I will laugh at every opportunity, and with as many people as I can.
Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. –Bob Newhart
So, that’s my list. What’s yours? Have a wonderful, relaxing as you want it to be, fun as you’d like it to be, New Year. And thank you for your continued connection.
“To Be Happier, Write Your Own Set of Personal Commandments” by @gretchenrubin on @LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20131129204900-6526187-to-be-happier-write-your-own-set-of-personal-commandments
I recently visited with family in North Carolina and found a box of old books. One of them was called “Just Being Happy: A little book of Happy Thoughts”, edited by Edwin Osgood Grover. I loved seeing it. It was a compendium of quotes in the days before the Internet and Twitter. Copyright 1913!!
One of my favorite points from the author was in his explanation of why he curated the book.
The pleasure in happiness comes in the pursuit and not the attainment of happiness.
I agree. Will I ever be completely satisfied with everything, content with every day at work, joyful in every conversation with friends or family, or pleased with every bill or obligation? No!! But I’m going to enjoy trying to be happy.
Here are a few of my favorite excerpts:
There is a beautiful and an ugly way in which to say almost everything, and happiness depends upon which way we take. You can upset a person for the whole day by the harsh way in which you may call him in the morning, or you may give him a beautiful start by the cheeriness of your greeting. So not only in words but in all the little common courtesies and duties of life, think of the beautiful way of doing each. – Delia L. Porter
Do not keep the alabaster box of your love and friendship sealed up until your friends are dead. Fill their lives with sweetness. Speak approving, cheering words while their ears can hear them, and while their hearts can be thrilled and made happier. The kind things you mean to say when they are gone, say before they go. – George W. Childs
Life is short, and we ever have too much time for glad denying the hearts of those who are travel linde dark journey with us. O be swift to love, make haste to be kind! – Amiel
Be Well. Lead On.
Adam
Adam L. Stanley
Connections Blog Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
In a recent leadership course sponsored by my employer, we used The story of Henry V and the battle at Agincourt as a metaphor for leadership. I have watched this video of his speech to the troops every day since then and wanted to share it with you. It provides me with inspiration and hopefully some potential tools I can use to take my troops into battle every day: humility, decisive leadership, participative decision making, scenario planning, and clear articulation of vision and objectives are but a few reasons Henry V prevailed against overwhelming odds.
For a great synopsis on leadership lessons from this battle, read the article found on Knowledge@Wharton, from my alma mater. Enjoy the video clip and let me know what lessons you think are learned from his speech or the battle itself.
WESTMORELAND. O that we now had here
But one ten thousand of those men in England
That do no work to-day!
KING. What’s he that wishes so?
My cousin Westmoreland? No, my fair cousin;
If we are mark’d to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
God’s will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me not if men my garments wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires.
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England.
God’s peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And crowns for convoy put into his purse;
We would not die in that man’s company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is call’d the feast of Crispian.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam’d,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say “To-morrow is Saint Crispian.â€
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say “These wounds I had on Crispian’s day.â€
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he’ll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day.
Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb’red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.
I never really liked going to movies as a teenager and most of my adult life was the same. Then, two things happened: 1) Showplace ICON opened a VIP theater near my home in Chicago, offering the opportunity to see movies in a recliner with drinks and gourmet sliders (and popcorn with bacon!); and 2) I started watching the Harry Potter movies to connect with my nieces and nephews. It was the second one that kind of leads me to this blog. You see, while I started off watching for the “action†of the young wizard, I quickly realized how many leadership lessons can be found in movies. Like rap music for inner city children in some schools, perhaps we can use movies to bridge between popular culture and leadership lessons for Gen Y.
I can blog thousands of words from Harry Potter, which is in my opinion as rich as the Godfather movies with leadership lessons. However, today I will discuss “The Helpâ€, a movie about three very different women and the relationships between them and other people in their Jackson, Mississippi town. I have watched the movie and read the book so may interchange them a bit. The movie was a very good adaptation, in my humble opinion.
Here are some simple lessons found from the book which spawned the movie:
1) Communication is more than just talking
“I don’t know what to say to her. All I know is, I ain’t saying it. And I know she ain’t saying what she want a say either and it’s a strange thing happening here cause nobody saying nothing and we still managing to have us a conversation.”
How many times have you been in a meeting that lasted an hour and accomplished absolutely nothing? Sometimes it seems that everyone has something to say and yet nothing is said. I firmly believe that people need to listen more and talk less. Think about what goals have been set for the meeting and how each participant can add value.
A mentor of mine once told me that anyone who came to a meeting and said nothing should not have been at the meeting. However, some people are SO VOCAL that others may want to contribute but do not. Try not to be THAT person. Listen, learn, and watch for non-verbal and verbal cues.
2) Carrots work better than sticks. And they are a lot cheaper.
“…and that’s when I get to wondering, what would happen if I told her she something good, ever day?”
For many of your team members, you may be the only positive encouragement they have all day. I have had the pleasure of managing help desk technicians as part of my organization for several years. Many of them are the brightest, hardest working, and dedicated employees I have led. But talk about a thankless job. When things are good, no one calls the help desk. So they only get the irate, the frustrated, and often, the …. well, clueless.
Greet your team members, both peers and subordinates, by name and with a smile. Tell them something positive about their work, their attitude, or anything else you can find that is truly positive. Don’t make things up, but challenge yourself to find the best in everyone with whom you interact. You will be amazed what it does for that person and in turn what that person will do for your team and your clients.
3) Change begins with a whisper
There are thousands of quotes out there on change. And everyone says the right thing. Change happens. Change is good. Change is the only constant. And so on…. But the fact is CHANGE IS A PAIN IN THE …. Well, it’s hard.
In the movie and book, Aibileen is known as a solid citizen in the black community, respected for her wisdom and her prayers. Skeeter, who wishes to get several of the maids to participate in her book project, works first with Aibileen, who starts to mention it to Minnie, who then spreads it to others. Soon, the whisper spreads and several women want to speak to Skeeter.
The best way to manage change I have found is to think of every change as both necessary and positive, but to spread the word through individual conversations as much as town halls and large announcements. It is incredibly powerful for you as a leader if the day a major change is announced, you have dozens of people out there who have already been talking about it. Start small conversations with key influencers amongst your team and get them to discuss the change with others. Don’t do this for politics or scheme, you’re not just pandering to junior colleagues. Engage them because your team knows what works and can help make the change more effective. Let your key employee leaders be the whisper that starts a successful change event.
4) Some people will never change. Deal with it. Or Leave.
“It seems like at some point you’d run out of awful.”
I have been blessed to work primarily with great people. Even those that had their rough spots and mean streaks typically showed their good more than their bad sides. But there were two in particular that try as I might, I could not find within them a redeeming quality. They were mean, nasty and completely uninterested in team building and collaboration. One even went so far as to tell me I needed to be more of an [expletive] and that my team enjoyed working for me too much. The implication was that they could not possibly be working hard enough and still like me the way they did. I know, right? Crazy! And this was not in the 1980s.
My solution was to walk away. I knew it could be risky (using up some of my “marblesâ€, as a mentor of mine used to say) but worse still would be staying and working in a toxic environment that could make me toxic. I sacrificed the “glory” of working with this particular team and opted to find my success in other teams. To take the risk to be a respected AND liked leader and not just one that was feared.
If you have this kind of person in your team, try to address the issue head on. Do all you can to make it better, but at the end of the day, some people will never change. If you are the boss, you must fix the problem either by getting them to change or severing them from the team before they spread their negativity. If you are a member of the team and working for the “negative nestor”, you have the option to stay or go. If you can, get out of there before the negativity spreads to you.
5) Relate to and empower all employees.
One of the main characters in The Help convinced herself that building separate bathrooms for her maid was good for the maid as well as protecting her from “their diseases”. Most people watching this today feel this is so far from what anyone would do and thankfully they are correct. But how many times have you personally spoken to the most junior employee in your organization? Do you structure every meeting in layers where you meet with your directs and they meet with their directs and so on? Do your junior associates call you by your last name (Good morning, Mr. Stanley) sometimes and feel they have to ask permission to say hello when walking past your office? Watch for this and consider what you can do to create an environment where all of your team members truly feel equally engaged and empowered. And hang out with the senior and junior staff. A beer tastes the same with a CEO as it does with an analyst. Trust me.
Don’t give your employees the separate but equal treatment. Be a part of the team. As one of my favorite Aon teams used to say, “Hug it out!”
Wasn’t that the point of the book? For women to realize, we are just two people. Not that much separates us. Not nearly as much as I’d thought.
I pledge today to be a better listener and communicator, to empower my teams and treat them as equal partners, to encourage and uplift them, and to involve them in change so that their whispers can drive powerful success. Will you take this pledge? Do you have other lessons on leadership from this or other movies? I would love to hear from you. Post your comments below, on my Facebook page, or via Twitter.
In a recent Town Hall meeting I held with leaders of my team, I discussed skills that were critical for all leaders within the extended team. Too often, leadership training and coaching is provided for the boss and maybe his direct reports. My message has always been that leaders are at all levels. Everyone can be a leader, whether they have direct management authority or are simply influencers.
I summarized eight key expectations of leaders at all levels and wanted to share them with you.
1. Relationships. We must have the ability to demonstrate caring, collaboration, respect, trust and attentiveness to all of our stakeholders. Be Authentic.
“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” — Anthony Robbins
2. Communication. We must communicate effectively across multiple media and cultures. Listening and two-way feedback must be the norm. Be a Listener.
“A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.†– Kenneth A. Wells
3. Collaboration. We must build the team and enable our teams to collaborate more effectively with each other. Be a Team Builder.
“The secret is to gang up on the problem, rather than each other.” — Thomas Stallkamp
4. Nurturing. We must help people grow and develop their skills and capabilities. Talent management needs to be more than annual reviews. Be Present.
“Good leaders make people feel that they’re at the very heart of things, not at the periphery. Everyone feels that he or she makes a difference to the success of the organization. When that happens people feel centered and that gives their work meaning.” –Warren G. Bennis
5. Financial Acumen. We must manage our organization like the large business it is, understanding the financials, setting goals, and measuring ourselves objectively. Be Diligent.
“Our treasure lies in the beehive of our knowledge. We are perpetually on the way thither, being by nature winged insects and honey gatherers of the mind.†— Friedrich Nietzsche
“Try running ANY project, team, or major initiative without understanding the numbers behind it …. You. Will. #FAIL.â€â€”Adam L. Stanley
6. Morale Building. We must create an environment in which people experience positive morale despite the level of change. Recognition and motivation are critical. Be Grateful.
“All of the great leaders have had one characteristic in common: it was the willingness to confront unequivocally the major anxiety of their people in their time. This, and not much else, is the essence of leadership.†–John Kenneth Galbraith
7. Pace Setting. We must lead by example, taking on challenges, rolling up our sleeves, and making tough decisions when called for. Be Decisive.
“Leadership is a matter of having people look at you and gain confidence, seeing how you react. If you’re in control, they’re in control.†–Tom Landry
8. Inspirational. We must build a strategy and believe in that strategy, convincing our teams to join us in driving toward the strategy. Believe.
“Leadership is a transfer of belief — and great leaders inspire their teams to believe they can succeed. As a leader and manager, you are not just leading and managing people, but you are also leading and managing their beliefs. You must utilize every opportunity available to transfer your optimism†— Jon Gordon
What expectations do you have for leaders at all levels? As importantly, how good are you at demonstrating these skills yourself?
II. I will be my authentic self. 
II. I will be my authentic self. 
Lessons from The Help
