Finding Common Ground: Bridging Divides in a Polarized World
Our beliefs and perspectives evolve over time, shaped by our experiences and the changing world around us. This evolution is why open, constructive conversations—especially about divisive topics—are so critical. They allow us to explore our assumptions, challenge our thinking, and grow together, even when we disagree.
Today, I want to explore the concept of the slippery slope—a fear that often emerges in debates about rights and regulations. It’s a concern that touches on issues as varied as gun control, LGBTQ+ rights, and abortion, though people often apply it inconsistently.
Consider abortion. What began with seemingly small and “reasonable” restrictions—like waiting periods, parental consent laws, and limits based on gestational age—has snowballed in many places into outright bans. These bans have very real consequences: women denied life-saving care, doctors afraid to treat miscarriages for fear of legal repercussions, and families forced to carry pregnancies that put their physical and emotional well-being at risk. The slippery slope in this case isn’t a fear; it’s a reality.
For those of us in the LGBTQ+ community, that reality feels all too familiar. When lawmakers target gender-affirming care for children or restrict discussions about LGBTQ+ topics in schools, the stated reasoning might sound protective or logical to some. But as a gay man who is married, I can’t help but wonder where it might lead. Could these “reasonable” restrictions pave the way for further erosion of LGBTQ+ rights? Could my marriage, my home, or my very existence someday be under threat?
And then there’s gun control. Here, the slippery slope argument is often invoked more loudly and consistently than anywhere else. Even the most basic and widely supported measures—like requiring universal background checks, mandating safe storage of firearms, or banning high-capacity magazines—are met with fierce resistance. Opponents argue that these actions, however sensible they might seem, are the first step toward an outright ban on firearms and the erosion of the Second Amendment.
This fear can sometimes override the actual intent and potential benefits of these regulations. The statistics tell a grim story: gun violence in the U.S. claims tens of thousands of lives each year, yet efforts to address it are stymied by the fear of a slippery slope. Advocates for gun rights ask: If we ban assault weapons, what stops the government from banning handguns? If we require registration, what prevents confiscation? To them, it’s not just about any single law—it’s about the broader principle of maintaining their rights in full, with no compromise.
And yet, many of these same voices dismiss the slippery slope concerns raised by abortion advocates or LGBTQ+ individuals. They fail to see the parallels between their fear of losing access to firearms and our fear of losing access to healthcare, marriage rights, or simply the freedom to live authentically. The inconsistency is striking.
This raises a critical question: how do we reconcile these fears across issues? How can we enact laws that protect people from harm—whether from gun violence, healthcare inequities, or discrimination—while ensuring that such laws do not open the door to broader overreach? These are hard conversations, but they are ones we need to have.
Bridging the Divide Through Better Conversations
The path forward begins with meaningful dialogue. Here are some ways we can start having better conversations, even about the most polarizing topics:
Listen to understand, not to respond. When someone shares their perspective, give them the space to speak fully. Listening without interruption can help build trust and uncover common ground.
Ask questions with curiosity. Instead of assuming intent or jumping to conclusions, seek clarity. Thoughtful questions can foster empathy and
deepen understanding.
Focus on shared values. Even in divisive debates, most people share common goals, like safety, fairness, or freedom. Highlighting these can create a foundation for constructive dialogue.
Be willing to evolve. Acknowledge that it’s okay to change your mind as you learn and grow. This openness can encourage others to do the same.
These steps aren’t always easy, but they’re necessary. If we want to protect rights, safeguard freedoms, and find solutions to complex issues, we must commit to engaging thoughtfully, listening actively, and seeking common ground.
From Ground Zero to Hope: Reflecting on Loss and Looking Ahead
Today is September 11th, a day that we pause to remember the 2,977 innocent lives lost and the sheer horror of that terrible day. We honor those who perished across the three tragic sites: 2,753 in New York at the World Trade Center, 184 at the Pentagon, and 40 passengers and crew members aboard United Flight 93, which crashed in Pennsylvania. These individuals—parents, siblings, children, friends—had their lives cut short, and the countless others who were left behind still carry the weight of that day.
I’ve shared my memories of that day in previous writings,where I described waking up and starting what seemed like an ordinary day. The sky was clear and beautiful, and everything felt normal as I made my way through the city. Then, in an instant, everything changed. The chaos unfolded so quickly that it was hard to grasp what was happening. Shock and disbelief clouded my thoughts as I struggled to process the unimaginable.
Fifteen years later, when I visited New York to mark the anniversary of the attacks, one place hit me harder than I expected—Century 21, the department store just across from the World Trade Center. Before H&M became the go-to spot for cheap, disposable clothing, Century 21 was where I shopped for essentials like socks and belts. When I saw it again in 2016, I was struck by how normal life had seemed before that day. People started their Tuesday routines just as they had the day before—maybe stopping by Century 21 before work or planning to visit after. Many never got the chance to finish their day. They never made it home. I reflected on these emotions in my blog that year, as the weight of that visit brought everything rushing back.
The memories of that day come back vividly—like the sight of the South Tower leaning menacingly toward the Millennium Hotel, where I had lived for several weeks just a month earlier. The fact that the hotel wasn’t completely destroyed is amazing. It reopened almost two years later, but for me, it held a special significance because my dad had visited me there in August 2001. On the day of the attacks, he was probably the most anxious person waiting to hear that I was safe, knowing exactly how close I lived and worked to the World Trade Center.
But today, as we reflect on that tragedy, I also want to turn my attention toward the future. How do we ensure that the hate and division that fueled those events don’t define the world we live in now or the world we leave for future generations?
I vividly remember walking across the bridge to Brooklyn with a man I didn’t know. We likely had very different political views, but none of that mattered in the face of such a catastrophe. We were simply two people trying to find safety, both witnesses to a world turned upside down. In those moments, we weren’t divided by politics or ideology; we were united by our shared humanity. The anger, confusion, and sense of loss we felt were universal.
Today, our world feels increasingly divided. Politics often pit us against one another, and hate-filled rhetoric continues to stoke fear. But my hope is for a future where political beliefs don’t make us enemies, but instead encourage interesting, respectful debate. A world where families can argue over the dinner table and still hug at the end of the night. A world where politicians who spread hate and fear are rejected, not embraced by voters.
I’ve never hidden the fact that I am anti-Trump, but this isn’t about one person or one political figure. It’s about building a world where decisions are based on values, research, and respect. We may disagree, but that shouldn’t make us adversaries. We need to reject those who thrive on division and come together in thoughtful, meaningful dialogue.
As we honor those who lost their lives on September 11th, let us also commit to creating a future free from hate and division. A future where we engage with one another as fellow human beings, even when we disagree. Let’s work toward a world filled with hope, connection, and peace—where our shared humanity triumphs over our differences.
Even the strongest among us need time to recover. Just like sleep allows your body to recharge, sometimes stepping back—sitting on the sidelines for a while—is what you need to recharge your spirit. If you don’t take time to rest and reflect, the constant pressure to act can wear you down to the point where you’re no longer effective in the fight.
Have you ever had one of those conversations where someone shares a negative perspective or complaint, and in an attempt to support them, you reflect their words back to show understanding—only to have them argue with you as if you originated the negativity? It’s a strange phenomenon, but it happens more often than you might think.
The holiday season can be a lot. For some, it’s full of joy and celebrations, while for others, it can feel overwhelming—whether it’s the pressure of year-end deadlines, missing loved ones, or just struggling to connect with the holiday spirit. In my latest blog, I’m focusing on ways to take care of *you*. From enjoying your favorite foods to stepping away from social media or taking yourself out for a quiet moment of peace, sometimes the best gift you can give is the gift of time and care for yourself. It’s also a chance to share kindness with others, even in small ways, which can make a bigger impact than you realize. Wherever this season finds you, I hope the blog offers a little inspiration to make the holidays feel more manageable—and meaningful—in your own way.
Setting clear expectations is crucial in any relationship, whether it’s personal or professional. Many people advocate for the approach of “under promise and over deliver,” but this logic is fundamentally flawed. A more effective strategy is to set accurate and realistic expectations based on your experience and capabilities.
I once visited the Penske NASCAR team in North Carolina and observed their pit crew testing the time it took to change tires. The crew’s goal wasn’t just to achieve the fastest time possible but to find a consistent and reliable target time. For example, if the pit crew could change the tires in 11 seconds one time, 17 seconds another, and 14 seconds a third time, the instinct might be to set the target at 11 seconds, assuming they would always want to be as fast as possible.
However, what we learned was that the team valued consistency over occasional speed. They aimed for a target of 14 seconds because it was a time they could reliably achieve. This consistent timing allowed the racer and the team to plan and adjust their strategies effectively, knowing they could depend on a predictable pit stop duration.
This principle applies to various aspects of life. Whether in marriage, family relationships, or at work, setting accurate expectations allows everyone involved to plan and act accordingly, leading to more successful and harmonious interactions. This approach is not about under-promising and over-delivering; it’s about setting realistic expectations and consistently meeting them, which builds trust and reliability.
2. Making Decisions with Pace
The ability to make decisions quickly and confidently is essential in both personal and professional relationships. While you won’t always get every decision right, the more decisions you make, the better you become at analyzing data and making informed choices.
A common challenge many couples face illustrates the importance of this skill. Imagine a couple visiting a new city, walking down the street, and one partner asks, “Hey, where do you want to eat?” They spend the next hour walking past several restaurants, each trying to be respectful of the other’s preferences and neither wanting to make a decision that seems bossy. In the end, they both end up frustrated and hungry.
This scenario underscores the need for making decisions with pace. Knowing your partner’s preferences regarding food, service, and atmosphere allows you to make swift decisions that satisfy both of you. If you know your partner loves Italian food and prefers a cozy, quiet atmosphere, you can confidently choose a restaurant that meets those criteria, avoiding unnecessary frustration.
In professional settings, the ability to make prompt decisions can significantly impact team efficiency and project outcomes. Leaders who can analyze available data quickly and make sound decisions help their teams stay agile and responsive to changing circumstances. This decisiveness fosters a sense of confidence and reliability within the team, enhancing overall productivity and satisfaction.
By honing your decision-making skills and understanding the preferences and needs of those around you, you can strengthen your relationships through timely and well-considered actions. Making decisions with pace not only improves efficiency but also demonstrates respect and understanding, which are fundamental to any successful relationship.
3. Assuming Positive Intentions
Assuming positive intentions is a crucial mindset that can transform how we interact with others. When we start conversations with the belief that the other person means well, we open ourselves up to really listening and understanding their emotions and reasoning. This leads to more constructive and respectful dialogue, even if we disagree.
For instance, when we assume positive intentions, we give grace and allow ourselves to fully process what the other person is saying before reacting. This prevents misunderstandings and conflicts that often arise from assuming negative intentions. Reacting prematurely to what we think the other person means can lead to unnecessary upset and escalate conflicts.
In both personal and professional relationships, fostering a mindset of assuming positive intentions can help maintain healthy and productive interactions. It encourages us to consider the other person’s viewpoint and respond thoughtfully, leading to deeper understanding and more positive outcomes.
By giving grace and approaching conversations with the belief that the other person has good intentions, we can break the cycle of negative interactions. This simple shift in mindset can make a significant difference in our relationships, helping us build stronger, more trusting connections with others.
Even the strongest among us need time to recover. Just like sleep allows your body to recharge, sometimes stepping back—sitting on the sidelines for a while—is what you need to recharge your spirit. If you don’t take time to rest and reflect, the constant pressure to act can wear you down to the point where you’re no longer effective in the fight.
Have you ever had one of those conversations where someone shares a negative perspective or complaint, and in an attempt to support them, you reflect their words back to show understanding—only to have them argue with you as if you originated the negativity? It’s a strange phenomenon, but it happens more often than you might think.
The holiday season can be a lot. For some, it’s full of joy and celebrations, while for others, it can feel overwhelming—whether it’s the pressure of year-end deadlines, missing loved ones, or just struggling to connect with the holiday spirit. In my latest blog, I’m focusing on ways to take care of *you*. From enjoying your favorite foods to stepping away from social media or taking yourself out for a quiet moment of peace, sometimes the best gift you can give is the gift of time and care for yourself. It’s also a chance to share kindness with others, even in small ways, which can make a bigger impact than you realize. Wherever this season finds you, I hope the blog offers a little inspiration to make the holidays feel more manageable—and meaningful—in your own way.
I’m often asked by friends and mentees whether they should make a career change, or be “afraid” due to an organizational change or another major corporate event. Often frustrating to them, my answer is almost always “It depends.” The...
I continue to hear a common refrain from people I do not know, some friends and colleagues, and even some within my family. The words are different from person to person, but the message is pretty much the same. “The people speaking up about police brutality and racial justice are not saying anything about violence in the cities. They want to have demonstrations at sporting events, but nothing about black on black violence.”
It seems that only the black man must choose one or the other cause to support, or one organization. We should not allow the media or society to dictate we must choose one or the other.
There are THOUSANDS of single-issue community organizations. If you follow or watch any one of them, and only one of them, you will ALWAYS conclude they seem to ignore every other issue. It’s like saying, “I hate the Christian church because they only focus on Jesus and not the other spiritually important figures of the world, like Buddha or the prophet Mohammed.” Of course CHRISTian churches focus on Jesus! The most effective organizations pick a cause and stick with that one cause.
That does not mean that an individual can only support one cause. Yes, you will notice I reference #BLM or Black Lives Matter from time to time on my social media streams. And, yes, this particular movement focuses almost exclusively on racial justice and policing reform. But that is only part of the story. Certainly only part of my story.
I support non-violent protests of police criminal negligence and racism. AND I support any and all efforts to end violence in our neighborhoods, including black on black crime. And many many many people do. There are VASTLY more organizations dedicated to ending violence in inner cities – supporting troubled youth, improving education, getting guns out of the hands of those who should not own them, and uplifting neighborhood communities – than there are dedicated to racial equality and effective policing. And the combined giving to inner city youth programs, by the athletes and celebrities people tend to reference most often, is exponentially greater than anything they do for Black Lives Matter. Find your local Boys & Girls Club and you will find an athlete or celebrity behind it. The media may only cover the closed fists in the air, the protest marches, and the #BLM social media banners, but we would be remiss if we judge them on only what is shown on TV.
Has anyone actually researched the types of organizations Colin K supports? Unlikely!!! They just notice the kneeling and the #BlackLivesMatter movement the media talks about.
Being the change you wish to see does not require you to choose only one cause!
What’s in your wallet?
Your role as a citizen of the world is to build a “portfolio” of causes that matter to you and will allow you to get the greatest return on your investment of time, talent, and treasure. That is your challenge: Can you find a way to live the life God wants you to live and spread love the way so many spread hate? Be the change YOU want to be, not simply doing what society wants you to do.
For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall much be required; and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more. Luke 12:48
Be well. Lead on.
Adam
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Adam L. Stanley
Connections Blog Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
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