In 2015, I drafted my personal ten commandments and shared them through this blog. It’s been several years, a global pandemic, a marriage, a relocation, multiple bosses, and now approaching another decade in the next couple of years. Yikes. So, I thought it was time to brush off the commandments.
Your life will change. Your job will change. Your circle of friends will evolve. But your core values and principles should be consistent. And while you may compromise on compensation, title, which restaurant to dine at or movie to see, there should be certain things about which you refuse to compromise. Your values should drive how you respond to change, success, and to trials. Here are my personal 10 Commandments.
I. Be Mindful
Every day. This is first because in many ways it is the toughest. This is continuing to smile as you are given very disappointing news. This is being respectful when you want to scream profanities. This is rising above and, as Michelle Obama famously said, when they go low, you go high. And, as my Dad says, unless God calls first, there will be a tomorrow.
I try to make choices that I believe benefit the world and make it a better place. The world is especially challenging right now, making this more difficult than normal, but I still do my best to make good choices. I remember that though I may disagree with others’ acts and opinions, God still calls on me to love them as I love myself.
II. Be Kind
There is never any reason to be an asshole. Being unkind is not going to convince people to be nice to you. In fact, being a jerk is most likely going to cause people to dislike you and do as little for you as they can. You’ll commonly hear that cheaters never win, and the same goes for mean people. My mom taught me this more than most. After weeks of hearing me crying about bullies in middle school, she called me to the back porch and gave me a tough lesson for which I am eternally grateful. In the end, she taught me, the nice people are going to win with their dignity in tact. Think about your life in high school. The bullies are usually the ones who end up working under the people who were kind. They peak in that one moment you feel you are at your lowest, but you continue to rise. You continue to shine. Be kind, always.
I have often told the story of a senior leader at a prior job that called me into a meeting with him and proceeded to tell me something that ultimately changed my career. He said that the clients loved my work and I could be an integral part of his team but that I was too nice. He said I needed to be more of an asshole and stop doing things like letting my team go home at 10:30 pm!! I smiled, always adhering to my #1 commandment, and thanked him for his candor. I then called the superiors back in our home office and told them I was not interested in working with this individual anymore and that I would be working to leave the project or leave the firm, whichever was necessary.
I chose to be the nice guy. Even if it meant I would not be a part of this “marquee” team, I refused to be an asshole for sport. And I’m blessed to be able to say today that I am better for it. Better health. Better financially. Greater opportunities opened up for me. And the people with whom I have worked before would typically work with me again. Something I could certainly not say for this particular “leader”.
III. Be Bold
Change doesn’t happen overnight, and it takes a lot of voices for anything to get done. Whatever you have strong feelings about, use your voice to speak up to enact change. You have to make your thoughts heard if you want to help make a difference. This could be through actually speaking, posting on social media, blogging, or helping behind the scenes in activist groups. Part of courage is helping to lift others up. You shouldn’t be bold just for yourself. You want to help make a difference for others.
Roy T. Bennett says it well, in his bookThe Light in the Heart: “Be brave to stand for what you believe in even if you stand alone.” So true! It is easy to be safe and so hard to take chances. Especially if you fall in any bucket where you lack safety in numbers.
This is likely my hardest commandment. This is risky. This is taking a chance where the safe path would be so much easier.
IV. Be Transparent
Be honest and clear about who you are. You, as an individual, are important. You need to let the world see you for who you truly are. I keep a photo of myself with my husband and my dog on a wall that is featured in all my zoom videos. It’s important to me that everyone understands who I am and what is important to me. In order to be transparent, you must first be self-aware. There is a quote by Prasad Mahes that encapsulates this, “The mind is like water. When it is turbulent, it is difficult to see. When it is calm, everything becomes clear.” You have to know who you are and embrace it to move forward in the world.
V. Be Authentic
It can be tempting to pretend to be something you are not to move ahead in the world. Don’t do this. It isn’t helping you or anyone else. You need to be true to who you are. Being inauthentic is going to cause you a lot of stress and pain in the long run. And it is frankly EXTREMELY TIRING to be fake. Sometimes I want to shake certain people and say “snap out of it” just to get them to take off the façade they have built up so strongly around their authentic selves. So I refuse to pretend to be someone else, even if it means I may not get certain opportunities as quickly.
VI. Be Curious
As a human being, you are designed to be learning all the time. The end of formal schooling does not mean you should stop seeking knowledge. Make it a point to continue to learn new things all the time. This could be a simple as getting a daily calendar with a new fact each day. Or, you could seek additional formal education to seek out something new. Some examples of things you could study are a new culture, a new religion, a new recipe, or something related to your job.
Always ask questions and seek new information. It will make you a better person. I blogged a while ago about Hiring for Character and Values. And one of the main targets was the intellectually curious!
VII. Be Honest
Lying is another behavior that can be tempting if it will help move things in a certain direction. However, it’s not worth it. Lying is never going to end up working out for you in the end. Someone is bound to find out it isn’t the truth, and that is going to cause a lot of trouble for you. Also, if you have to lie to get something done, it isn’t something you should be doing anyway. The mental stress lying will cause you, plus the fact it isn’t very ethical, is why you should avoid it at all costs. General rule of thumb: consider how you would feel if it appears on the cover of Wall Street Journal.
VIII. Be Straightforward
There is a well-known phrase that deals with being straightforward. You may hear someone reference the knife someone put in their back. This often means that someone thought another person was being honest with them but went behind their back and did something they didn’t approve of. You want to avoid this. If you have something to say to someone, just say it. Don’t talk behind their back on side channels or in backroom chatter. It’s rude, and it isn’t going to solve anything. It also doesn’t make you look good as people are probably judging you for talking that way about someone behind their back.
IX. Be Purposeful
Some people surround themselves with many people and call them all their friends. For some people, this works. However, I prefer to have a few select friends that I develop a deep friendship with, rather than a bunch of people I don’t actually have a connection with. I have changed my mindset from wanting to be surrounded by people to embracing time with a few close friends. In work, I try to seek out opportunities where my work can also drive positive change.
X. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
You are bound to make some mistakes. It is part of being human. However, you have to learn to recognize when a mistake is something that needs to be focused on and fixed versus when a mistake is something you need to just let go and move on. For example, failing one math test in school is not going to ruin your life. Learn from it and study harder next time. Stewing on the failure is going to make it harder to do well the next time. However, if you mess up something at work that is going to impact many people, you should work on fixing it and how to avoid making the mistake the next time. Just remember that the small mistakes aren’t going to matter at the end of your life. Don’t let the stress ruin your life.
YOU WILL BE DISAPPOINTED. You will know you deserve that promotion more than the other individual. You will listen to their words that tell you they value you yet not see any evidence. Someone you love will hurt you with their mistake or their transgression. You will see people with more money, more this, more that. Life isn’t always fair. But thank God for life and the opportunity to live another day regardless. Be grateful for the opportunity to walk around your neighborhood and find wonder in those little miracles you would otherwise ignore. Look at the ants at work. Smell the roses. Note the gentle swaying of the trees at the faintest breeze. Watch the birds chirp it up while the squirrels start to stock up for the winter season.
Remember that you work so that you may live. You don’t live to work. So Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff!
Commandments are guidelines, ideals
The first part of living a successful life is knowing what you want to get out of it. It is up to you to decide what ideals you want to live your life by. Take my ten commandments as a guide and create your own list of commandments you want to guide your life. Perhaps your list will be similar to mine, or maybe you will have a completely different list. Do what works for you. I would love to hear from you.
Be well. Lead on.
Adam
Covid is still an issue. Please stay safe, get vaccinated, and wear a mask around lots of unknown people.
Adam L. Stanley
Connections Blog Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
I’ve recently had several conversations about change and resistance to change. Someone I greatly respect continued to say that certain people were resistant to change. I disagreed vehemently, saying they were BEGGING for change. So why were things not moving fast given these new demands? Turns out they really were “resistant to change” but it wasn’t what we typically think of when we hear that term. Or at least not for the entire group.
There are countless reasons why people fail to accept change and this impacts all parts of life. These barriers, or blocks, can show up in the workplace or in one’s personal life. They can harm your psyche and your career. The key is to identify why an individual is opposed to change since the refusal to change often has negative effects.
Change is all around us. Since change is inevitable, how do we accept it?
1. Conquer fear by embracing the unknown.
Dinner with my nieces at a sushi restaurant years ago had me thinking about one aspect of change reticence. Shortly after we sat down at our table and ordered, the sushi arrived. I travel a lot and eat food from all over the world. I’m also a foodie and even blogged a lot about favorite restaurants when I lived in Chicago and London. I will try almost anything once. So clearly I am comfortable with sushi. For my nieces, they were not as exposed by that age to a huge variety of foods. They were faced with what they consider unusual cuisine.
This leads to my first answer as to why people resist change: fear. The food made both of my nieces feel uncertain and afraid. It required them to try something different. Something potentially uncomfortable. What if it had a negative impact when they tried it?
My youngest niece started examining the food and even smelled it. She poked at the sushi as if she were a world-famous chef or food critic examining a meal. After a few moments, her older sister spoke up.
“If Uncle Adam likes this, I will try it,” she declared. She did. And while I don’t suspect she became a regular after that, she kind of liked it.
She conquered her fear by focusing on the fact that someone she trusted was not afraid. All that I had to do was make a show of enjoying my food. These kids were afraid of something unknown showing up in their world. With positive reinforcement and example, I was able to convince them (at least the older one) that sushi was nothing to fear.
When reluctance to change is rooted in fear, then the solution is to show people the opposite. The unknown is not always positive, but many times it can be beneficial to them! It doesn’t always have to be a negative, repulsive experience.
2. Eradicate ignorance by encouraging education.
People who are resistant to change are often unfamiliar with the type of material to which they are being exposed. It can differ from their educational background. Diversity, Equity and Inclusion is perhaps the best example of an area where this element of change reticence has impact. In some areas in the United States, the people who decide the curriculum might not touch on what they consider sensitive topics based upon their personal beliefs. When their students become adults and have been raised in such an environment, then they have no experience with diversity.
If all you’ve seen your entire life are green crayons, seeing a purple crayon at age 55 might just freak you out.
Whether they were sheltered by their parents, their community, or an educational system, it leaves them intellectually ignorant when it comes to diversity and inclusion issues. Before I get the negative reactions, let me add that this isn’t to say that this is the case for everyone from that background or that diverse communities don’t have their own prejudices and biases! Rather, this means that issues like discomfort with race or sexuality become an issue for many people for reasons other than hate. For some, they might see the outside world and retreat to a system that is more comfortable for them and doesn’t challenge their beliefs. Many others embrace differences and are enamored with them.
Regardless of where we originate, all humans have genes that wire them with intellectual curiosity. We can leverage this more. If we can get people excited about learning, then this element of change resistance diminishing. When confronted with something new and shown support for learning about it, the majority of people will be more open to changing their thinking patterns.
3. Inspire change by defeating apathy.
Some people really just don’t care. And that makes change even harder.
You know these people. They are often sarcastic, lethargic, and comfortable with the benefits they receive without changing. Even if they don’t include others in the workplace, or embrace new solutions or ideas, they tend to think it’s fine since they have been successful just the way they are. They get change. They even understand why it may be relevant to others, unlike those that are afraid of change or ignorant of the opportunity.
Many apathetic people use their sentiment as a crutch because at one point they did care or wanted changes. Their life experiences taught them change wouldn’t happen or that they had to fight with sticks because stronger weapons were not available. They develop shells and don’t engage. When faced with this “I don’t have time for change” crowd, it’s easy to become frustrated (and sarcastic in return). But alas, there is hope. This groups simply needs to have an opportunity to incorporate change into their lives and see results. You’ve got to make the dream seem real, the benefits tangible.
I used to joke that every important email needed a subject “You will make more money if you do this”. That was until all the hackers and spammers started using it!
4. Be aware of argumentative entertainment.
Lastly, there are people who aren’t like the apathetic types who resist change due to their own defense mechanisms or historic lethargy. In social settings, there are often those who simply enjoy criticizing. These people enjoy feeling powerful and find that shutting other people down makes them feel better about themselves. When introducing change or new ideas to a workplace or any setting, beware of those that detract from the meetings for attention or to otherwise derail it.
When it comes to the detractors who ruin positive and important messages about change, the key here is to not let them change you. They might be dedicated to rejecting ideas as some form of entertainment in what they consider a droll office meeting or other situation. When faced with that type of attitude, it’s important to nurture the people who are listening.
The odd benefit of dealing with a heckler or extremely disruptive person is that they will often lend support to your cause. If you’re giving a seminar on change and someone is completely obnoxious, people who would otherwise be on the fence about the content might change their minds. They are seeing someone willing to stand up for their beliefs and attempt to live these values, despite the criticism.
Change matters and it will never stop happening. Blanketing everyone that has an issue with change as “resistant” is oversimplified. Instead focus on what is the cause of the reticence. Understanding that might help you find a means to get them on board after all. There are no easy answers but change leaders must be able to preach to the choir and reach the apostates.
As always, I would love to hear what you think.
Be well. Lead on.
Adam
Be good to people.
Adam L. Stanley
Connections Blog Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
Change is hard. Teaming is harder. So when you have challenges within the team, effectively delivering on a change program can be next to impossible. Multiply that by a factor of X if you have multiple programs underway and you could see how some leaders struggle. Accountability at the workplace has often been a thorny issue. Whenever it is uttered, people immediately think of shortfall scorekeeping, negativity, and a forced top-down management system.
In this kind of thinking, accountability is only necessary if the person who requires it of you is your boss. Also, problem-solving is assigned or adjudicated by the bosses. This approach is wrong because problems are rarely ever solved in time or satisfactorily.
Problem solving works better when those most directly involved in the solution collaborate and reach an end goal. Involving the boss or requiring any external arbitration slows progress. Holding each other accountable, therefore, is key.
Joseph Grenny from the Harvard Business Review calls this the Universal Accountability Principle. Here’s a breakdown of what it’s all about and how it can help you.
What is the Universal Accountability Principle?
Example: Have you ever worked in a group on a team project where that one guy simply did not carry his weight? He was late to meetings, never delivered on commitments, and when he presented output, it was of poor quality?
In teams with poor peer-to-peer accountability things can get way out of control and mediocre behavior is allowed to become a lifestyle. Ultimately, everybody loses. The better and faster your teams are at peer-to-peer problem solving, the healthier they are. The less skilled and slower they are, the more ground they prepare to breed mistrust and the dire consequences.
To a great extent, problem solving is a litmus test for the strength of workplace teams. Grenny breaks teams down into the following categories according to the Harvard Business Review.
There is no accountability in the weakest teams. In our example, no one would say anything. The guy would continue to do dumb stuff, and the project would be less impactful/successful.
Bosses are the source of accountability in mediocre teams. In our example, someone would tell me their thinking that the person was not holding their own. I would then need to spend time getting involved, asking the other team members, seeking out evidence, etc. … you get it? Slowing down the process!
Peers manage the vast majority of performance problems with each other in high-performing teams. Wouldn’t it be much more efficient if the rest of the team created a means of tracking and reporting on progress that gave transparency to his failures and forced the correction without involving the boss?
Developing a Culture of Universal Accountability
Your job as a thoughtful leader is to eliminate the laxity in solving problems and nurturing accountability among teams. It’s easier said than done. Employees may be resistant to change and unlearning takes time. However, you stand to lose a lot if you don’t start. Here are some tips for you.
1. Be the Best Example
Become accountable too. Company culture trickles down to lower cadre employees from the top. Get a coach if needed to help you do what you’re asking your juniors to do.
Other than that, watch what you say. They may get the idea that you’re the complaining but not the solving type. Why should they solve their problems if you don’t?
You can get a coach for your employees as well to teach them the value of accountability and how they can practice it. Attend the sessions as well.
2. Make Peer-to-Peer Problem Solving a Policy
You can’t nurture a culture of universal accountability by being too available to solve problems. Let the employees understand that problems must be solved ASAP, and that they can’t bring it to you unless they absolutely can’t find a solution. Should the problem have to come to you, encourage or require the employees involved to bring it in together.
3. Avoid the Temptation to Respond to Premature Escalations
Escalation is okay when there’s a deserving issue – such as harassment or engaging in unethical activities. Premature escalation, however, calls management to an issue that can be solved between the aggrieved parties –resulting in wasted time and dragging more people into the mess. (My name is Wes …)
When someone tries the premature escalation, you can help them solve the issue with the source without getting involved. Find out whether they’ve talked to the person about it and how they responded. Encourage them to talk about it over coffee or something else to reach a consensus. Encourage them to perhaps involve another peer from the project as an objective listener and/or mediator.
Behaviors to Avoid
Made up your mind to embrace universal accountability? Great! It’s good to know what the GOOD behaviours are. But, you also need to shed some behaviors if this is going to work out. There are likely loads more but here are two I find most important.
Panic
Stressful times are bound to come. But there’s a difference between reacting and responding. There’s a difference between hearing and listening too. Panic is a reaction. It exacerbates the situation and throws people off balance.
Listening involves empathizing with the grieved party. Empathy will help employees deal with the situation or solve it altogether.
Narrowly Defining Your Team
The relationship between team members has to transcend the ‘shared boss’ parameters. High-performing teams have nothing to do with cadre and levels. Cross-functional teams are 15% more likely to succeed in innovation. Their chances of success are 76% higher if top management supports them.
Peers should solve problems between them together regardless of their position in the workplace hierarchy.
In many ways, the value of peer-to-peer accountability is destroyed when two bosses from two different departments have to step in to solve a problem between two employees.
The Benefits
Here are the tell-tale signs that your teams are getting grounded in the universal accountability culture.
Problem Solving Without Involving Management
If a problem arises and the employees are able to solve it without involving the boss, it’s a great indicator that the right culture is setting in and hauling in the benefits. There’s more. It will increase cohesion among teams and of course, satisfaction, confidence and morale among employees.
Reduced Time To Solve Problems
A boss who has to oversee 10 teams and report to another boss has little time and admittedly, mental bandwidth to solve conflict whenever it arises. Even with an award-winning HR department, they would be dismal performance if all HR does is solve conflict.
When two peers, or cross functional employees can solve their problems amongst themselves, the issue never has to get to the boss’s desk. It saves time for everybody.
Shorter But More Effective Meetings
If we’re honest, none of us thought it was possible to get burnout from online meetings until they became normal. It’s worse if half of the meeting agenda is about problem solving. The fewer problems there are, the shorter meetings there will be. Fewer problems also shift the focus to more important things.
Problem solving works better when those most directly involved in the solution collaborate and reach an end goal. So the next time you are working with someone and are tempted to “bring it to the boss”, rethink that decision and try one more time to make it work with your peer. You might just be surprised how things resolve with a little extra attention.
And remember, we are not defined by the titles on our business cards. The words printed there do not empower us nor should they stifle our ability to contribute to the team. Regardless of the labels attached to us, each of us brings ideas, questions, experiences, and a unique perspective which allows us to contribute to a conversation beyond the scope of our title.
Do we need the title “Business Partner” to be a partner?
Let me start by giving credit to a peer of mine who reminded me of this blog post long since drafted and patiently waiting for its day to be made public. It began with a conversation around teaming and leadership. What resonated with me was the tactical use of the word partner in titles.
It’s seen all over the corporate world in titles such as IT business partner and HR business partner. Pretty much everyone that isn’t directly aligned to the business unit as a leader is called a business partner. Yet it is perhaps in the name of the function and the expectations that it drives where we find most problems arise. In short, we don’t need partners. We need players.
Sports
My sports analogies tend to be pretty bad since I’m not exactly a super athlete nor do I spend much time following sports. That said, I do recognize that on a sports team there are various roles and responsibilities. Many parts that work together as a cohesive unit.
There are the leaders on the sideline that strategized from afar. There are the leaders on the field that drive play by play execution of those strategies. And there are players that both follow the lead and make ad hoc critical decisions when there is a need to deviate from the strategy.
Each player and every leader is important. They’re all part of an ecosystem and the most effective teams master putting each of those players together in the most efficient and optimized manner such as to drive towards a shared goal.
Avengers
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a massive Marvel fan and I’ve watched every movie in the franchise multiple times. So forgive me for this one.
The Avengers came together over the years as a result of a series of problems. Each member of The Avengers was highly equipped to solve some of those problems. There were several episodes, or comic books, where there was one superhero and one specific problem to solve but The Avengers came to light when the problem became too big for any one of the superheroes to solve alone.
Once The Avengers came together, it was no longer relevant what their history was as much as it was relevant how they worked together to solve the problem. They all brought something to the table, and for the most part they all recognized Captain America and Tony Stark as leaders of the Avengers. But each of these people brought their unique skills to the table AND contributed to strategic planning for the issue they were trying to solve.
Corporate World
The corporate environment is not at all like either of these two scenarios. Hierarchies in structures have created in so many ways inefficient teaming. Individual behaviors are driven so much by the title on their business card, their level within the organization, or the particular background they bring to their role.
As a result, we have the proliferation of titles such as business partner. Have you ever thought about the significance of that title? In what world must you add the word partner to someone’s title to encourage the right behavior? And are you trying to encourage the business with which the individual is partnering or are you trying to encourage the individual?
If the title was something that did not include the word partner, would you only let the person in the room for a few minutes instead of the entire meeting? Is there an alternative to a partner mentality that is so negative that you use the word partner to excise that mentality? And if I do not include the word partner in my title, do you assume I am not partner-like? Perhaps I’m being a bit dramatic but I think you get the point.
Whether we are partners, players, or leaders there are more effective ways to nurture a successful team beyond the addition of an arbitrary word to a title. Consider the strength, skills, and perspective of individuals. How can we coax out the value of those unique attributes for the benefit of the team?
Tips for moving from being an invited “partner” to a needed player
1. When you have that thought or opinion, say it.
How often have you been in a meeting but left without sharing a thought that came to mind which you felt was brilliant, or at least relevant? Perhaps it was a meeting with peers or superiors in which a topic came up that was outside of your expertise. Maybe it felt safer to stay in your lane and not speak up.
So often, fear of embarrassment or perhaps the fact that the topic was outside of our expertise keeps us from sharing. Even more likely, the culture of the company was such that no one even acknowledged our presence during such a topic. Too often we are known solely for our role as stated on our business cards.
Playing it safe and not sharing our thoughts doesn’t benefit anyone. As the saying goes, no guts no glory, so throw caution to the wind and say what’s on your mind. You’ll never know what can come of your idea unless you send it out into the world.
2. Ask a question in every meeting
In every meeting, regardless of the topic, ask a question. Someone I respect is very good at doing this effectively. To be perfectly honest at first I found it a bit strange, but I can’t argue with the fact that it works.
Initially it reminded me of some of my classmates in business school that simply wanted to be heard. Frankly some of those classmates barely listened to the conversation at all. They certainly didn’t acknowledge what had been said by fellow classmates.
This colleague however makes it clear that they listen to the conversation. They absorb the content and they craft the question in a way that both demonstrates their understanding of the topic and also pushes the conversation forward. This is a skill that I think every leader needs to learn.
You are in the room because you bring a unique point of view. You can make us better. Have you asked the right questions with a fresh perspective?
3) DON’T leave your hat or jacket at the door
I get kind of annoyed when I hear the term “leave your jacket at the door”. It is usually used when people want you to come into the room as part of a team to solve a problem. It’s not that the intention isn’t just but perhaps short sighted.
The fact is, I actually want my leaders to bring their expertise into the room. I want them to come in and represent their particular towers or functions. I just don’t want that expertise or the views of their particular towers to prevent them from thinking about the problem more comprehensively. I don’t want them so focused on their tower that they can’t see the problem from a bigger point of view.
When they enter the room, I want their number one team to be the team in the room and not the team that they represent. I want them to bring that hat or jacket in the room with them, but set it on the back of their chair. Your hat or jacket is NOT you. Your title is not you. You matter because you bring a different perspective individually AND you represent your team.
We are not defined by the titles on our business cards. The words printed there do not empower us nor should they stifle our ability to contribute to the team. Regardless of the labels attached to us, each of us brings ideas, questions, experiences, and a unique perspective which allows us to contribute to a conversation beyond the scope of our title.
Remember, being a better leader and creating a more consciously inclusive environment is good for your people and good for the company.
Giving feedback is critical to development. Especially now.
In recent years much has been said about diversity and inclusion. Studies continue to show that more diverse companies are both more profitable and faster growing. We are finally starting to have open and honest conversations about what can be done to improve racial and gender equity within the corporate environment.
I started thinking about this a lot recently as I overheard a conversation about a particular person’s performance. The comments, though not aggressively so, were negative. It was clear that the manager did not feel this employee was performing at an acceptable level.
I asked the manager if he had told the employee about these issues and if it was clear to the employee what she needed to do to improve to an acceptable level of productivity. Based upon the response that I got, it became quite clear there had not been the level of conversation that was warranted. The manager was not regularly meeting with the employee nor had he ever sat down to explicitly talk through the performance challenges and lay out an agreed upon improvement plan.
My suspicion is that this happens a lot and the end result is that individuals are not coached and instead end up being terminated. (Let me be very clear here: I am not a researcher nor have I done a study. This is a blog of reasonable OPINION.) A further suspicion is that if you are already part of a group that does not feel engaged socially or connected politically within a company your opportunity to thrive will be diminished. If on top of that you have a bad manager your chances of success are next to naught.
Could cultural differences lead to missed opportunities to learn from each other? When you really break it all down the question becomes is diversity and inclusion as much of a talent management and leadership issue as it is about racial bias and historical prejudices? Do we lose people of color in corporate America due to bad management more so than outright bad behaviors? What factors are contributing to these issues?
1. Everyone is walking on eggshells
I’ve heard from some that they are afraid of giving honest feedback to women or people of color because they do not want to appear sexist or racist. The argument is that the world has become so politically correct that providing feedback is a risk. These individuals often feel more comfortable discussing their colleagues in a forum where random and unrelated people can hear.
Instead of the individual getting the constructive feedback that can help them improve, they are simply getting the negative about their performance from coffee room conversations. This can lead to feelings of isolation. Sharing negative feedback with their peers instead of them directly has a negative impact on the reputation of that person.
2. Secondhand feedback is never as valuable.
Another phenomenon I have witnessed is that feedback is deliberately delivered through alternative channels. In this scenario, individuals who do not feel comfortable directly providing feedback to someone will instead have another leader deliver the feedback. They may not explicitly ask for this delivery but in telling a particular person that they know has a relationship with the employee, they know that the feedback will get back to that individual.
In many cases, they’re showing their subconscious bias by sharing directly with white men while avoiding women or people of color. This ensures that the problem will continue because neither party is learning how to deal with the other directly. The individuals being put in the middle serve as a barrier between the manager and employee.
Feedback is never nearly as effective when watered down through a chain. The addition of an intermediary increases the likelihood that the message will not be delivered as intended and adds the perception that the received message is flawed. Furthermore, any reaction by the employee to the feedback through this back channel will be deemed a reaction to the feedback when it may be a reaction to the channel.
3. Bad management has a greater impact on those “not in the room”
All employees need to have the right amount of engagement and interaction with their leaders to be successful in a job. Direct feedback, regular conversations around performance and objectives, as well as verbal and written praise when appropriate are all things that are important to the development of a professional. Not spending time on coaching and development sessions leads to an inability to fully understand the capabilities of your employee.
Most companies spend a lot of time recruiting but much less time onboarding, training, developing, and engaging. For employees that do not have another network within the company this can be much more detrimental. At the same time, employees who have broader networks within the company have vastly larger opportunities for exposure.
I spoke with a woman leader years ago who told me that on average she had 10 minutes per month of direct one on one time with her manager. She never had conversations about her career aspirations. Her manager knew of the skills that she had relative to her current role but had no clue of all of the other things she had done in the past that might be applied to different opportunities. He did not really know her.
This particular woman was never in the same locker room at the gym as her boss. She did not tend to hang out at the same bar over the weekend. She wasn’t often invited to lunch with the guys. So all of those other opportunities her male colleagues had to expose their personalities, their strengths, their experiences were not available to her.
Her manager might have been just as bad of a manager to all of his employees. However the impact on this person was multiplied due to the fact that as a woman of color her social networks within the firm were limited. Therefore, when a new opportunity came up this employee had very little chance of getting that opportunity because she had less likelihood of even knowing about it.
Strategies for Building an Inclusive Environment
The most effective managers ensure that every individual on their team is being included in the conversation. It is through inclusion that we can tap into the benefits of a diverse working environment. Here are a few tips for being a better manager and building a more inclusive environment.
1. Build and manage around the full employee lifecycle. From hire to retire, everyone is on a tour of duty and should have clear expectations, regular connections and engagement, and a respectful exit when that time comes
2. Provide feedback as much as possible directly to the individual. If uncomfortable doing so face to face, practice. And potentially use other mechanisms like written feedback.
3. Try not to share feedback on one of your employees with a peer or superior before you have shared it with the employee. That’s not fair to the employee and does not show strength. In the end, you are making both you and your employee look bad
4. Look around the room more. At lunch, in meetings, and around the coffee maker. See if there are individuals from your team that are never there. Find them, engage with them, and loop them in.
5. Expand your network and your skills base. If you are uncomfortable handling issues with a particular race, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation, that is not their fault. It is YOUR issue to solve. Read up, talk to people, ask HR for help.
Building an inclusive and respectful environment is up to everyone, not just the “diverse”. As leaders we need to treat everyone fairly and ethically not only to develop the potential of each employee, but also to serve as an example to everyone with whom we come in contact.
Ultimately, being a better leader and creating a more consciously inclusive environment is good for your people and good for the company.
For many people 2020 was one of the worst years of their lives. More than 1.5 million died of a disease that few took seriously in the first few weeks. Millions of people lost their jobs and many more no longer have their savings to count on.
The year was awful for me as well. My mom had to go through chemo treatment for Stage 3 colon cancer, dealing with that awful disease during covid lockdowns, which prevented us from fully supporting her during treatment. My partner’s restaurant was shuttered for several months, causing him and most of his team to be out of work. My office was closed to most employees so I had to work from home for 75% of the year!
Dozens of friends and family members found themselves positive with the virus. For most of the year I was unable to see my family or my closest friends due to our effort to contain the outbreak. I couldn’t go to restaurants, theatres, or music venues. I drank more wine, beer, and hard alcohol this year than the prior three years. Being stuck indoors and all that overindulging caused me to gain 10 lbs.
“In all respects, it was a crappy year.” -Almost Everyone
And yet…
I still have those family and friends in my life to love from a distance and hopefully soon visit in person. Mom is doing well and cancer free. That is a blessing. I have been lucky while many mourn their loved ones.
I was able to buy that wine and alcohol. I had enough food on my plate to gain 10 pounds. Those are blessings. Many people are struggling to make ends meet. It is estimated that globally as many as 115 million people may be pushed into extreme poverty in 2020 alone.
I remained employed and had a great opportunity to demonstrate the value in the work I did prior to COVID-19. Our colleagues around the world were able to successfully work from home and interact with clients through innovative new tools and cloud enabled mobile solutions. I did not miss a pay period during the year. This is a blessing considering that this year in the United States we have reached unprecedented unemployment rates. In April unemployment peaked at 14.7% which had never been seen since data collection began in 1948.
I moved to Austin, taking advantage of remote work opportunities to explore a different city and found out how much I loved it. Many people have chosen or been forced to move during the pandemic. Some are fleeing large cities out of fear that they may contract the virus or due to social unrest caused by a very toxic political environment. Others are relocating either for work or due to job loss.
I found that I was able to attend church online more than I did in person, with no distractions and the added ability to take copious notes. In a world where social distancing has become a necessity, churches have struggled to keep their doors open. Only one third of people who attend religious services at least monthly say they have done so in person and most churchgoers have opted to attend virtually.
It’s undeniable that 2020 brought a fair deal of trials and tribulations. But for most of us, certainly Gen X and older, 2020 is by far NOT the first difficult year we have encountered. Somehow we have managed to make it through those hard times in the past. And we likely found it is the difficulties that allow us to emerge stronger. And even the darkest times often have some bright spots.
That other worst year ever
When I think of 2001, I most remember the tragedy of September 11th and the lives lost that day. I think about the hit to the economy that followed. I think about losing my grandfather in a tragic accident at the beginning of the year. In my mind I recall 2001 as one of the worst years I ever had.
But then I found the little desk clock that was engraved 10-13-2001, a memento from my cousin’s wedding. I think of how much fun I had with my cousins and my family. I remember the fact that earlier that year I took one of the best vacations of my life, seeing the pyramids in Egypt and touring ruins of Luxor.
I contemplate my personal story of September 11th and how decisions I made quite possibly saved my life and certainly saved me from being in the center of harm. I think of all of the people that helped me that day including many that I did not know personally. They were a blessing and I am grateful for them.
I think of the fact that after that event and following that year, I had a different perspective on work, life, and family. I truly believe that I became a better leader. So through the trial of 2001, came an amazing 2002 and some key decisions I made shortly thereafter resulted in my current career.
None of us want to go through bad times or struggle through “the worst year ever”, but the truth is if you live long enough, you have been, and will again be, tested. You have been through hardship and have experienced pain at some time in your life. It is just a part of being alive.
If you really think about it, there was probably another time in your life when you were feeling that you were in the midst of the worst year ever. Maybe it was a very personal and private struggle. Perhaps social media and 24 hour news were not around to make it so clear to you that things were awful for everyone. However, there were likely thousands of people going through a trial just like you did that year. Somehow you, them, and I made it through.
And that is the ultimate blessing.
What will you do with your blessing in 2021?
Be well. Lead on.
Adam
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.
