The Quiet Strength of Supporting Others

by Adam L Stanley | Aug 17, 2024 | Technology

The Quiet Strength of Supporting Others

There’s a familiar feeling many of us know well—the one where you’re always stepping up to help others. You pass on names to recruiters, write letters of recommendation, coach, mentor, promote, and share opportunities. You introduce people to contacts, support their projects, celebrate their wins, or simply listen when they need advice. Not because you expect anything in return, but because that’s who you are.

But let’s be real. Sometimes it can feel heavy.

It’s draining when you’re always giving, yet rarely on the receiving end of support. You may pour your energy into lifting others, and in your own moments of need—whether it’s building a business, starting a family, or navigating a life change—you hear silence. The people you’ve supported don’t always show up in return or even check in to see how you’re doing.

It’s not about wanting recognition, but it’s natural to hope for reciprocity. And when it doesn’t come, it can sting. This is for you. You may feel selfish even thinking about it, but the feeling is real, and you’re not alone in experiencing it.

This reminds me of The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann, which emphasizes that true success comes not from what you get, but from how much you give. It also connects to the ideas in Give and Take by Adam Grant, which highlights how being a giver can lead to long-term success, though it can sometimes feel like those who “take” may get ahead in the short term. Givers often give without expectation, but even the most generous among us can feel drained if the balance is too one-sided.

Still, I’ve learned that there are so many ways to show love and support that don’t cost anything. Someone recently followed me on LinkedIn after hearing me speak about a blog post. They said they expected my LinkedIn to be like those “gurus” who post constantly about their achievements, speeches, and research. Instead, they found that the majority of my posts were simply cheering others on. Sharing their work. Celebrating their successes.

Because even if I can’t help someone get a job or buy their product, I can still share their joy. I can expose them to my network. I can try to lift them up in ways that only require my time and belief in them.

For me, an example of others lifting me up is how people have shared my business and my property listings with their own networks. This generosity helps keep my business thriving, which in turn allows me to continue giving back in ways that matter most to me. My husband and I started Adam Timothy Group as a way to combine our past experiences while helping others—especially those who thought homeownership was out of reach. Through this business, we work with investors and homeowners, from first-time buyers to experienced ones, across Austin and the country. And as part of our commitment to giving back, we offer commission rebates to teachers, nurses, first responders, and veterans.

For those of you who often find yourselves on the receiving end of this kind of support, take a moment to reflect. Are you lifting others up in return? It doesn’t have to be grand or time-consuming, but even the smallest acts of encouragement or celebration can make a world of difference to someone else. Whether it’s sharing a post, offering a kind word, or connecting someone to an opportunity, we all have the ability to give back in meaningful ways.

To the givers—those of us who keep lifting others up, even when it feels like no one’s doing the same for us—don’t lose heart. Keep doing what you do best. The Go-Giver and Give and Take remind us that giving for the sake of giving is its own reward. And along the way, make sure you have your own circle—a place where people will cheer you on, celebrate you, and offer their support. Because love and support come in many forms, and you deserve them as much as anyone else.

If you’re already lifting others up, thank you for being part of that circle.

Be well. Lead on.

Adam

The Dangers of Not Assuming Positive Intentions

by Adam L Stanley | Jun 13, 2024 | Technology

The Dangers of Not Assuming Positive Intentions

In today’s fast-paced world, communication often gets tangled up in misunderstandings. A big reason for this is the tendency to assume negative intentions behind what others say or do. I once gave a speech about the importance of giving grace and assuming positive intentions. When we start conversations with the belief that the other person means well, a lot of good things happen. We open ourselves up to really listening and understanding their emotions and reasoning.

Assuming positive intentions lets us listen fully and process information before responding. This leads to more constructive and respectful dialogue, even if we disagree. It encourages us to consider the other person’s viewpoint and respond thoughtfully instead of reactively.

I call this reactive way of communicating “Ellipsis Communication.” This term comes from how phones show three little dots when someone is typing a message. Often, those dots appear before you’ve even finished your own message. Essentially, they’re responding before you’ve completed your thought, assuming your intent prematurely. Their reaction can never be fully appropriate because they’re reacting to only part of what you meant to say.

Too often, we assume bad intentions and react before the other person is done speaking. This leads to several issues. Jumping to conclusions makes us more likely to misunderstand their message, causing unnecessary confusion and conflict. Reacting before fully understanding can cause unnecessary upset. We may become angry or defensive based on an incomplete picture. Assuming negative intentions and responding prematurely leaves the other person feeling misunderstood and hurt, escalating the conflict.

Once a conversation goes negative, it’s hard to turn it around. Both sides might focus on defending themselves or attacking the other instead of resolving the issue. This cycle of negative interactions can damage relationships and create a hostile environment.

For a humorous take, think about the animated series “The Boondocks.” In one episode, the character Huey Freeman talks about how negative assumptions and reactions lead to conflict. He calls this a “moment of irrational behavior,” where misunderstandings and assumed disrespect cause unnecessary and harmful confrontations. It’s a funny, exaggerated example, but it highlights the importance of staying calm and trying to understand others’ intentions to avoid escalating conflicts.

By giving grace and assuming positive intentions, we can break this cycle. Approaching conversations with an open heart and mind creates space for mutual understanding and respect. It helps us address disagreements constructively and find common ground. Even if we ultimately agree to disagree, the conversation is more likely to end on a positive note.

Poor communication is a major factor in relationship breakdowns. Studies show that 70% of couples cite communication issues as a key reason for divorce. In both professional and personal relationships, bad communication can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and disconnection. This highlights the importance of fostering open and positive communication to maintain healthy relationships.

The dangers of not assuming positive intentions are significant. Misunderstandings, premature reactions, and escalating conflicts all stem from this negative mindset. On the flip side, assuming positive intentions leads to better communication, deeper understanding, and more positive outcomes. Let’s give grace and approach each conversation with the belief that the other person has good intentions. This simple shift in mindset can make a huge difference in our personal and professional relationships.

Be well. Lead on.

Adam

Pride and Prejudice: Navigating Life as a Black Gay Man

by Adam L Stanley | Jun 6, 2024 | Technology

Pride and Prejudice: Navigating Life as a Black Gay Man

Pride means different things to different people. For me, Pride is a celebration of authenticity, a bold affirmation of identity, and a poignant reminder of the journey I’ve taken to get here. As a Black gay man who grew up in a Baptist church in Chicago, my path has been shaped by the intersection of multiple communities—Black, Christian, gay, professional, and more.

Growing up, I faced a unique set of hurdles. Within the broader gay community, racism can be a pervasive issue. Often, people of color are marginalized, fetishized, or outright excluded in spaces that should be safe havens. I’ve experienced the sting of being told I’m “not their type” or encountering backhanded compliments that reduce my identity to a stereotype. This racism within the gay community was a harsh reality check, revealing that acceptance isn’t always guaranteed even within marginalized groups.

On the other side, homophobia within the African American community added another layer of complexity. Cultural expectations, religious beliefs, and societal pressures often make it difficult for Black LGBTQ+ individuals to live openly and authentically. The fear of rejection, isolation, or worse, can lead many to hide their true selves. This internal battle between honoring my heritage and being true to my sexuality was a constant source of tension during my formative years.

Adding to this complexity was my upbringing in a Baptist church in Chicago. As a Christian, my faith has always been a significant part of my life. The church provided a sense of community and moral grounding, but it also presented challenges regarding my sexuality. Navigating the sometimes conflicting messages about faith and identity required a delicate balance and deep introspection. My journey involved reconciling my spirituality with my authentic self, finding peace in the belief that my identity as a gay man is not at odds with my faith.

Despite these challenges, the love and support of my family became my sanctuary. My mother’s unconditional love was unwavering. She stood by me, offering a safe space where I could express myself without fear of judgment. Her acceptance and encouragement were the pillars upon which I built my confidence.

My father’s journey towards acceptance was a testament to the power of love and understanding. Initially, he struggled to reconcile his expectations with my reality. However, through open conversations and time, he came to embrace me for who I am. His gradual acceptance was not just a personal victory but a symbol of hope for others facing similar struggles.

Beyond family, I found acceptance in my broader circles of friends and at work. Those who truly appreciated me for my work or loved me for my friendship celebrated me for being authentic. Their acceptance reinforced the importance of living my truth and being genuine in all aspects of life. This support was echoed in my professional life, where colleagues who valued my contributions also respected my identity.

I once wrote a blog about the power of authenticity, emphasizing how being true to oneself fosters genuine connections and creates a more inclusive environment. The positive responses to that blog underscored how authenticity resonates with others and can drive meaningful change.

The Meaning of Pride

Pride, for me, is about resilience. It’s about standing tall in the face of adversity and proclaiming my worth in a world that often tries to diminish it. It’s a celebration of the progress we’ve made and a reminder of the work that still lies ahead.

Pride is also about community. Finding and fostering connections with those who share similar experiences has been invaluable. These bonds create a support network that uplifts and empowers. Through these connections, I’ve found strength, solidarity, and a deeper understanding of the diverse tapestry that makes up the LGBTQ+ community.

However, it’s impossible to discuss Pride without acknowledging the current climate. Recent anti-LGBTQ legislation, especially in my current home state, is deeply concerning. These laws threaten the hard-earned progress we’ve made and aim to marginalize our community further. It’s a stark reminder that the fight for equality is far from over, and we must remain vigilant and united in our efforts to protect and advance our rights.

The journey towards full acceptance and equality is ongoing. While strides have been made, we must continue to address and dismantle the prejudices within our ranks. For those navigating similar paths, know that you are not alone. Seek out allies, both within and outside your communities. Embrace your identity with pride and know that your journey, no matter how challenging, is valid and worthy of celebration. In the end, it’s the love we give and receive that truly defines us. My mother’s unwavering support and my father’s growing acceptance have taught me that love can bridge even the widest divides.

This Pride, I celebrate not just who I am, but also the incredible journey that brought me here. And the amazing people that surround me personally and professionally.

My Professional Journey

by Adam L Stanley | May 5, 2024 | Technology

My Professional Journey

Many people know me for my work in one particular area of my life, but few are aware of the various roles and responsibilities that fill my days and keep me active. I’d like to share a bit about myself and my multifaceted professional journey.

I am currently an independent board director serving on the boards of GATX Corporation, Church Mutual Insurance Company, and UBS Trumbull Property Fund. In addition, I co-lead the Adam Timothy Group, a real estate agency business that advises buyers, sellers, and landlords, and also manages a portfolio of investment properties in North Carolina, Texas, and Mexico.

Previously, I served as the Chief Digital and Technology Officer at Cushman & Wakefield, where I retired after 8 years. Prior to that, I held similar roles at Aon Corporation and Aviva plc. My expertise is in building teams, driving change, and connecting amazing people to achieve great things together. I have been privileged to serve on the boards of 1871 and CREtech.

In addition to my professional roles, I am dedicated to sharing life lessons, teaching as a professor of practice at Washington University and on the faculty of the Stonier Graduate School of the American Bankers Association. I also speak at multiple organizations throughout the year on topics of leadership, diversity, and authentic relationships.

My educational background includes a Bachelor of Science in Finance and International Business from Washington University, an MBA from Wharton, and a Corporate Director Certificate from Harvard. This foundation has provided me with the analytical and strategic skills essential for navigating the complex landscapes of business and real estate.

I thrive during periods of inflection points. I enjoy helping individuals, families, organizations, and companies navigate change to chart the strongest course possible. I combine my love for connecting people with my passion for analysis, transformation, and negotiation to excel in real estate, in the board room, and beyond.

Throughout my career, I’ve always been driven by a desire to help others succeed. Whether it’s guiding a family through the complexities of a real estate transaction, advising a company on strategic decisions, or mentoring the next generation of leaders, my goal is to make a meaningful impact. I believe that by fostering authentic relationships and embracing diversity, we can create stronger, more resilient communities and organizations.

Thank you for taking the time to learn more about me. I look forward to connecting with you and exploring how we can navigate change and achieve great things together.

On Respect and Conversations

by Adam L Stanley | Apr 21, 2024 | Technology

On Respect and Conversations

In recent days, a statement made by a well-known football player has sparked a significant debate. He spoke about women being proud to just be mothers and raise their children. While I wholeheartedly support freedom of speech and opinion, it’s essential to remember that these freedoms invite dialogue from all sides. When we share our views, we must be prepared for responses that may not only support but also challenge our perspectives.

What’s the back story?

Harrison Butker, the kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs, delivered a controversial commencement speech at Benedictine College. In his speech, Butker criticized various contemporary issues and expressed traditional views on gender roles. He emphasized the importance of living according to Catholic values, attacked President Joe Biden for his stance on abortion despite being Catholic, and expressed his views against the LGBTQ+ community during Pride month. Butker also highlighted the significance of traditional family roles, praising his wife for embracing her role as a homemaker, which he considered pivotal to his success.

Butker’s remarks about women centered on his belief that the most fulfilling roles for them were as wives and mothers, suggesting that despite potential career successes, familial roles were of utmost importance. His comments were met with backlash on social media, and various organizations and individuals criticized his views as being out of step with inclusive and diverse societal values. Some on various platforms, however, celebrated him at the same time others were trying to cancel him.

Perspective is Everything

Harrison Butker’s perspective, emphasizing traditional family roles and a particular set of values, may resonate with some who share similar beliefs or have the luxury of choosing such a lifestyle. However, this viewpoint can be challenging for individuals from different socioeconomic backgrounds where such choices are not feasible. Many people must navigate economic realities that require both parents to work, often without the support systems that make such traditional roles possible. This discrepancy highlights a broader societal issue where the idealization of certain family structures does not align with the practicalities faced by many families struggling to balance work, childcare, and financial stability. This contrast becomes particularly stark when considering communities where economic hardship and lack of support structures make traditional family roles not only impractical but impossible.

A while back, I had the opportunity to attend a women’s panel organized by an employee group at my former employer. The conversation delved into the choices between pursuing a career and staying at home to raise children. It highlighted how different life can be depending on one’s circumstances. A moment that particularly resonated with me was when a friend of mine, a Black woman who is an executive director of an organization in Chicago, shared her insights. While other panelists discussed the luxury of having supportive spouses who enabled them to choose their careers freely, she reminded us of a stark reality. For her and her husband, working was not a choice but a necessity, and they still struggled to balance childcare and their careers.

Indeed, there are notable differences in the ability of women from various racial and ethnic backgrounds to choose whether to stay at home or work. Data suggests that Black and Hispanic women are more likely to be primary breadwinners compared to their white counterparts, which indicates they have less choice in deciding to stay home due to economic necessity. Specifically, a significant percentage of Black (67.5%) and Latina (41.4%) mothers are either the primary or sole earners in their families, in contrast to 37% of white mothers. This dynamic points to socioeconomic factors that compel many women of color to remain in the workforce out of necessity rather than choice (Center for American Progress).

Respecting Choices Across the Spectrum

In my journey, both personal and professional, I’ve had the privilege to meet and work with people of incredible diversity, each making life choices that best suit their circumstances and values. I hold immense respect for women like one of my successors, Sal Companieh, the new Chief Digital and Technology Officer at Cushman & Wakefield. Sal has not only excelled in her demanding role but has also raised two outstanding young men who are making their mark on the world. Her ability to balance these critical aspects of her life with grace is nothing short of inspiring. I also deeply admire the single women in my life who, planned or unplanned, had children outside of marriage. These strong individuals work tirelessly, often against significant odds, to provide for and nurture their children. Their dedication and perseverance in ensuring the best for their families while navigating their careers or other challenges is truly commendable.

Similarly, the choice made by stay-at-home dads who decide to focus full-time on family and household responsibilities is worthy of equal respect. These men, often unseen in the broader narrative, contribute immeasurably to their families’ wellbeing by choosing to be the primary caregivers. This role reversal, challenging traditional norms, adds invaluable diversity to the tapestry of family dynamics. And in most cases, it simply makes financial sense.

Each of these stories and the people behind them enrich our understanding of dedication, sacrifice, and love. It’s crucial that we recognize and celebrate the variety of paths that individuals choose, acknowledging that each journey, no matter how different, has its own set of challenges and triumphs. By embracing this diversity, we not only foster a more inclusive society but also learn the profound lesson that every role in life, when chosen thoughtfully and pursued with passion, holds equal importance.

Reflections on Messaging and Intention

My interest is not in canceling the football player for his views. Rather, I encourage him, and indeed all of us, to think about our messaging. It is crucial to frame our opinions not merely as reactions to either backlash that angers us or blind affirmations from supporters, but as expressions crafted with intention and openness to diverse perspectives. By listening genuinely and reflecting on the broad spectrum of life experiences, we can communicate more thoughtfully and contribute positively to the ongoing dialogue in our society. And slow the hatred and vitriol that social media makes us feel has become the norm.

Weekend Reminder for Quarantined Friends

by Adam L Stanley | Apr 24, 2020 | Technology

For those of you working from home, I wanted to share a quick weekend reminder:

1. Be grateful. So many people have lost their jobs permanently or are furloughed. I’m Christian and thank God. You might do the same or simply whisper positivity into the Universe.

2. Say thank you. Your family is likely just as stir crazy as you but at least you are working. Instead of just relaxing this weekend, make breakfast for your partner or take your dog on a long walk!

3. Please share. Almost every major company has created employee assistance funds. If you are still getting paid, please give a bit to those who are not. Here is a tracker of company efforts in support of their employees or communities. And here is a broader list.

4. Be safe. Stay home. At this point, I’m listening to my elected officials for sure but following my gut as well. And my gut tends to be a bit more conservative. So I’m staying home and staying safe for a while longer. Please be safe as you are led.

5. Reach out. Make at least three calls this weekend. And not just to the sick or most vulnerable. Call your single friend working from home alone without a pet. Send a handwritten note to a family member or friend just because. We are all kind of lonely during this crisis, whether we realize it or not.

For more thoughts on how you might use this crazy time for good, read my blogs “Make Friends BEFORE you need them” and “Aim for life connections”. Or start here.

Be well. Lead on.

Adam

Even if protesting, wear your face mask. #staysafe

Adam L. Stanley Connections Blog
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Please also read my perspective on why “All Lives Matter” is not a reality until Black Lives Matter.