by Adam L Stanley | Mar 19, 2012 | Life, Relationships
Revisiting “Who Do You Love?
There is within each one of us a potential for goodness beyond our imagining; for giving which seeks no reward; for listening without judgment; for loving unconditionally.
Elisabeth Kabler-Ross
I recently wrote a blog on loving people of all types, just because. I asked the question: If we assume that everyone is flawed in someway, don’t we all at least equally deserve love? So I created a list of all kinds of ways people are described everyday and urged folks to just go ahead and love all of them!
A former colleague of mine, Gary, introduced me to
, a cool online tool and I had to try it out. So I used their online tool to turn my blog laundry list into a graphic. Thanks for the introduction Gary and, to my readers, thanks for humouring me!
Here it is:

And here is the link to the original blog post.
Be Well. Lead On.
Adam

Adam Stanley
Adam L. Stanley Connections Blog
Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
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by Adam L Stanley | Jan 23, 2012 | Life, Relationships
Each relationship between two persons is absolutely unique. That is why you cannot love two people the same. It simply is not possible. You love each person differently because of who they are and the uniqueness that they draw out of you.
William P. Young, The Shack

Do you have friends that seem great at tearing you down but never seem to build you up? Even worse, are you such a friend? I will admit there are a couple of people in my life that I am convinced accept me solely because of my corporate success or other temporal aspects of being. I sometimes get the sense that if I were homeless, had children out of wedlock, were exceptionally unattractive based on their criteria, or otherwise against their standards for who to love and appreciate, I would be a side thought. So, I spent the weekend thinking about who I love and who deserves to be loved. The answer is: EVERYONE AND NOONE. If we used the standard of truly deserving to be loved, perfectly living God-fearing saints, there would be ZERO people that should be loved. However, if we assume that everyone is flawed, don’t we all at least equally deserve love?
So, who do you love? Here is my list.
unresponsive, overdramatic
Predictable, blond
Grumpy,
determined
Passionate, judgmental, introverted
angry, short
restless
distracted
Hindu
Bald, chubby
complicated, idealistic, dissatisfied, anxious
Brunette, nosy, knowledgeable
trustworthy
polite, picky
cheerful, beautiful
observant
Fit
insecure, doubtful, tall
cheeky, single
grateful
Nervous, handsome
Fashionable
encouraging
simple, Buddhist
dependent, rude
awkward, Christian
naïve, divorced
Obese, plain, scruffy
self-conscious
pessimistic, Latino,
hot!
incompetent, conservative
inflexible, straight, Chinese
cowardly
Unkempt
Stupid, bitchy, liberal
Widowed, vulgar
selfish, unhappy
cynical, gay, married
needy, feminine
Kind, frumpy
Hairy, suave, healthy
Irrational
Sexy
childish, passive
calculating
Lesbian
fussy, camp
quixotic, Caucasian
Irritating, nice, sweet, helpful
understanding
sympathetic
smart, black
friendly
Vegan
indecisive, redhead
anal, diplomatic, sentimental
Addicted
Organized
Fat
dependable, long hair
Masculine, tolerant
modest, short
romantic
reflective, clean
Meat and potatoes only
confident
TOTAL ASSHOLE
Bipolar
logical
Australian, British, Kiwi
sensible
engaging
cute, aware
Self-righteous
dedicated
loving, queeny
impatient, stubborn, critical
talkative
reciprocating, meticulous, short hair
Tall, naughty
patient
loyal, compassionate
forgiving
admiring, silly, faithful, caring
considerate, skinny
apologetic
Dirty
Flawed
I’m sure I’ve missed some traits or groups but I think you get the picture. Imagine if everyone person to whom you showed love resulted in another person loving you? The person you dismiss because of their speaking style, their clothing, their job or lack thereof, their race or religion …. May just be the person that changes your life one day. And perhaps, by showing love to that one stranger, you just might change theirs.
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7 (TNIV)
“The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.” Mitch Albom
“Selfish persons are incapable of loving others, but they are not capable of loving themselves either.” Erich Fromm
Love BIG. Lead on.
Best,
Adam
Adam L. Stanley
Follow me on twitter http://www.twitter.com/alswharton
Connect with me on Linked In http://www.linkedin.com/in/adamstanley
Or at http://www.alswharton.com/in
“We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give.”
Winston Churchill

by Adam L Stanley | Nov 20, 2011 | Life
Guest Blog
Life Lessons: Thoughts from my Mentors
I received a lot of positive feedback on my recent blog about finding balance in life. Much of my thinking comes from years of finding my way through corporate challenge after challenge while watching friends change, loved ones die, and loyalties betray. But I learned most of my life lessons from several mentors, starting with my parents and going through to several partners at Deloitte, an old boss at ABN AMRO, and a few other leaders. Below are two lessons from my Dad, one written and sent to me and my sister quite a while back. The second one was written for his wife but shared with others in the family as a reminder that we can’t let differences of opinion, arguments, politics, or other societal factors separate us from those we love. I wanted to share these lessons with you. Both really hit on the importance of finding balance before its too late.
Be well! Lead On.
Adam
Adam L. Stanley
What if there is no “anymore”?
One day a woman’s husband died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t “anymore”.
No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more “just one minute.”
Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say “good-byeâ€, say “I love you.”
So while we have it, it’s best we love it, care for it, fix it when it’s broken and heal it when it’s sick. This is true for marriage…..And old cars… And children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad hips, and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.
Some things we keep — like a best friend who moved away or a sister-in-law after divorce. There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what.
Life is important, like people we know who are special.. And so, we keep them close!
For Julia – An Instant Away
What if… the joy of morning love, the strength of sleepy cuddling a whispered prayer, and the over-concern he said was care…
What if… the pretty eyes, the sensuous looks, the dinners and meals,
and the sometimey fights to express how she feels…
What if the normal routine of life was shattered…
Love of life is torn and battered,
When words not spoken are ripped away,
Kisses not given, are thrown away.
What if all you have, is what we had…
You know it will happen in an instant some day,
And maybe it’s only an instant away.
What if, the apology is never given… the thought never shared.
The heart never opened, they doubted that you cared.
The curt replies, the sullen looks, imagined wrongs recorded as in books.
Sarcasm pronounced, judgment denounced,
actions studied, and criticism levied…
When the one you wouldn’t miss, becomes the one you can never kiss.
When stored anger is reduced, to a heart rending ache.
When knowledge of missed opportunities sweeps through your mind.
And in every room, new evidence of love you find.
But all you have left, is what we had…
You know it will happen in an instant some day,
And maybe it’s only an instant away.
All our trials, our struggles,our hopes and our joy;
Weight loss, job promotions, concerns for that boy.
Parental pressure, eternal release…
And all one of us will have, is what we had.
Will those memories be enough?
You know it will happen in an instant some day,
And maybe it’s only an instant away.
Thank you GOD, for letting me laugh again..but please may I never forget that I once cried.
Michael A. Stanley
Grand Prairie, TX
If you would like to guest blog or chat about your life lessons, please contact me via twitter or by posting a comment on this blog. Thanks, Adam

Find your balance NOW!


Me and Dad
by Adam L Stanley | Oct 16, 2011 | Life
Thoughts on Grandmothers
I posted a note on my grandmother last week and had so many great quotes I wanted to add more of them here … Enjoy!
The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent. ~Sam Levenson
Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love. ~Author Unknown
Uncles and aunts, and cousins, are all very well, and fathers and mothers are not to be despised; but a grandmother, at holiday time, is worth them all. ~Fanny Fern

Gram, Mom, and Me
The history of our grandparents is remembered not with rose petals but in the laughter and tears of their children and their children’s children. It is into us that the lives of grandparents have gone. It is in us that their history becomes a future. ~Charles and Ann Morse

Four Generations
Grandparents are similar to a piece of string – handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren. ~Author Unknown
What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I’d like to say that grandparents are God’s gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate. ~Bill Cosby
As such is life.
Be blessed and in relationship,
Adam
Adam L. Stanley
Follow me on twitter http://www.twitter.com/alswharton
Connect with me on Linked In http://www.linkedin.com/in/adamstanley
See more thoughts on leadership in my other blogs. Bookmark me or subscribe! Thanks.

by Adam L Stanley | Oct 11, 2011 | Life
We should all have one person who knows how to bless us despite the evidence, Grandmother was that person to me. ~Phyllis Theroux
I’m sitting in a small room in Metro South Hospital in the southwest suburbs of Chicago. My grandmother had a heart attack yesterday and has 90% blockage in her heart now. Because of her age, the quadruple bypass that would be needed to help is not an option. She just needs to be as comfortable as possible. And then we wait….

Amazingly, she is in great spirits and telling stories, lots of stories. Of angels protecting her. There are two of them, a boy and a girl, that she sees every night in her apartment. Of her husband, my grandfather who passed almost 25 years ago. She remembers the good and the bad, but mostly that they were “over the moon” in love. Of moving from Chicago to live in Seattle or somewhere else because she is tired of her apartment here. But she does not want to go anywhere she will not have friends. Almost 9 decades on this earth and she is thinking of moving?
“I loved their home. Everything smelled older, worn but safe; the food aroma had baked itself into the furniture.” ~Susan Strasberg

Little Me at Grandma's House
Grandma has always been there in our lives. As a child, she often babysat with me and my sister and spoiled us shamelessly. We loved visiting her because she was the BEST COOK EVER. While dinner at home was often chicken, veggies, and rice or something suitably healthy and balanced, my grandmother made fun foods. She made tacos, sloppy joes, pizza, and COOKIES. Oatmeal cookies, chocolate chip, and peanut butter cookies. She also made sweet potato pies, all kinds of cakes, and she had ice-cream. She always had ice-cream. Pretty much everything we had to have in moderation at home, we had a plenty at grandmas house.
Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. ~Welsh Proverb
The funny thing is, when she raised her 13 children, my mother being the fourth of the line, she did not allow them to eat any of these kind of things. When she made cookies, my mom tells me, grandma made her kids wait until the last cookie was done and the kitchen was clean before they could have a cookie. We licked grandma’s batter from the spoon and ate cookies as they came out of the oven. Nice and warm.

Young Grandma
What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies. ~Rudolph Giuliani
I think we truly learned this from both my grandmothers. Sitting in this room with my maternal grandmother, the last of my grandparents alive, I realize just how blessed I have been to have lived with each of them.
My dad’s mother always made me feel like I was the most special person in the world. She gave the best hugs, and taught me how to sing. She tried to teach me how to play the piano before my stubbornness won out.
My grandpa on my dad’s side was wise and stern. He taught me about values and making good, and Godly, decisions. He loved unconditionally but tough. No nonsense but lots of love. You knew he loved you.
Grandaddy, my mom’s dad, was the cool guy, smooth and calm. I never saw him get upset, though heard legends of his angry days. He was the first grandparent I lost and the first time I had to learn what it was like to lose someone close to you.
A house needs a grandma in it. ~Louisa May Alcott
So this is my last grandparent, and from her I learned to love food. I learned about history and the importance of faith, and I learned how to be tough as nails when needed.
And now we wait …
As such is life.
Be blessed and in relationship,
Adam
Adam L. Stanley
Follow me on twitter http://www.twitter.com/alswharton
Connect with me on Linked In http://www.linkedin.com/in/adamstanley
Or at http://www.alswharton.com/in
See more thoughts on leadership in my other blogs. Bookmark me or subscribe! Thanks.
