As a black man in America, to get ahead you must learn to adapt to working with so many different people. Some will think you are angry. Some will think you are emotional. Some will find you arrogant while others will question your confidence. Some will say you are too aggressive and others will tell you that you are too nice. You are either too masculine or not masculine enough. Black employees are judged negatively for self-promotion yet often left out of lists for promotions because they “are not visible enough”. And heaven forbid if you don’t fit into the sterotypical vision of a black man they expect: straight, religious, macho, “urban”.
Everyone will assume one thing or another about you without really taking the time to get to know you personally because ultimately they either fear you or simply do not find you relevant enough to take the time. As evolution works, those of us that advance are those who figure out the system enough to chart their path through an unequal, unfair, and incredibly biased system using skills that inevitably require them to be tougher, more resilient, and perhaps a bit less sympathetic to those who either have not had the same fight or have given up the fight. So when someone in that space leaves the system to which they have become accustomed and comes to a vastly different system, a supposedly more enlightened system, they find themselves out of the frying pan and into a roaster. And so ultimately they just leave all institutionalized systems and aim to create their own. But is this really possible?
Be well. Lead on.
Adam
Be good to people.
Adam L. Stanley
Connections Blog Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
In 2015, I drafted my personal ten commandments and shared them through this blog. It’s been several years, a global pandemic, a marriage, a relocation, multiple bosses, and now approaching another decade in the next couple of years. Yikes. So, I thought it was time to brush off the commandments.
Your life will change. Your job will change. Your circle of friends will evolve. But your core values and principles should be consistent. And while you may compromise on compensation, title, which restaurant to dine at or movie to see, there should be certain things about which you refuse to compromise. Your values should drive how you respond to change, success, and to trials. Here are my personal 10 Commandments.
I. Be Mindful
Every day. This is first because in many ways it is the toughest. This is continuing to smile as you are given very disappointing news. This is being respectful when you want to scream profanities. This is rising above and, as Michelle Obama famously said, when they go low, you go high. And, as my Dad says, unless God calls first, there will be a tomorrow.
I try to make choices that I believe benefit the world and make it a better place. The world is especially challenging right now, making this more difficult than normal, but I still do my best to make good choices. I remember that though I may disagree with others’ acts and opinions, God still calls on me to love them as I love myself.
II. Be Kind
There is never any reason to be an asshole. Being unkind is not going to convince people to be nice to you. In fact, being a jerk is most likely going to cause people to dislike you and do as little for you as they can. You’ll commonly hear that cheaters never win, and the same goes for mean people. My mom taught me this more than most. After weeks of hearing me crying about bullies in middle school, she called me to the back porch and gave me a tough lesson for which I am eternally grateful. In the end, she taught me, the nice people are going to win with their dignity in tact. Think about your life in high school. The bullies are usually the ones who end up working under the people who were kind. They peak in that one moment you feel you are at your lowest, but you continue to rise. You continue to shine. Be kind, always.
I have often told the story of a senior leader at a prior job that called me into a meeting with him and proceeded to tell me something that ultimately changed my career. He said that the clients loved my work and I could be an integral part of his team but that I was too nice. He said I needed to be more of an asshole and stop doing things like letting my team go home at 10:30 pm!! I smiled, always adhering to my #1 commandment, and thanked him for his candor. I then called the superiors back in our home office and told them I was not interested in working with this individual anymore and that I would be working to leave the project or leave the firm, whichever was necessary.
I chose to be the nice guy. Even if it meant I would not be a part of this “marquee” team, I refused to be an asshole for sport. And I’m blessed to be able to say today that I am better for it. Better health. Better financially. Greater opportunities opened up for me. And the people with whom I have worked before would typically work with me again. Something I could certainly not say for this particular “leader”.
III. Be Bold
Change doesn’t happen overnight, and it takes a lot of voices for anything to get done. Whatever you have strong feelings about, use your voice to speak up to enact change. You have to make your thoughts heard if you want to help make a difference. This could be through actually speaking, posting on social media, blogging, or helping behind the scenes in activist groups. Part of courage is helping to lift others up. You shouldn’t be bold just for yourself. You want to help make a difference for others.
Roy T. Bennett says it well, in his bookThe Light in the Heart: “Be brave to stand for what you believe in even if you stand alone.” So true! It is easy to be safe and so hard to take chances. Especially if you fall in any bucket where you lack safety in numbers.
This is likely my hardest commandment. This is risky. This is taking a chance where the safe path would be so much easier.
IV. Be Transparent
Be honest and clear about who you are. You, as an individual, are important. You need to let the world see you for who you truly are. I keep a photo of myself with my husband and my dog on a wall that is featured in all my zoom videos. It’s important to me that everyone understands who I am and what is important to me. In order to be transparent, you must first be self-aware. There is a quote by Prasad Mahes that encapsulates this, “The mind is like water. When it is turbulent, it is difficult to see. When it is calm, everything becomes clear.” You have to know who you are and embrace it to move forward in the world.
V. Be Authentic
It can be tempting to pretend to be something you are not to move ahead in the world. Don’t do this. It isn’t helping you or anyone else. You need to be true to who you are. Being inauthentic is going to cause you a lot of stress and pain in the long run. And it is frankly EXTREMELY TIRING to be fake. Sometimes I want to shake certain people and say “snap out of it” just to get them to take off the façade they have built up so strongly around their authentic selves. So I refuse to pretend to be someone else, even if it means I may not get certain opportunities as quickly.
VI. Be Curious
As a human being, you are designed to be learning all the time. The end of formal schooling does not mean you should stop seeking knowledge. Make it a point to continue to learn new things all the time. This could be a simple as getting a daily calendar with a new fact each day. Or, you could seek additional formal education to seek out something new. Some examples of things you could study are a new culture, a new religion, a new recipe, or something related to your job.
Always ask questions and seek new information. It will make you a better person. I blogged a while ago about Hiring for Character and Values. And one of the main targets was the intellectually curious!
VII. Be Honest
Lying is another behavior that can be tempting if it will help move things in a certain direction. However, it’s not worth it. Lying is never going to end up working out for you in the end. Someone is bound to find out it isn’t the truth, and that is going to cause a lot of trouble for you. Also, if you have to lie to get something done, it isn’t something you should be doing anyway. The mental stress lying will cause you, plus the fact it isn’t very ethical, is why you should avoid it at all costs. General rule of thumb: consider how you would feel if it appears on the cover of Wall Street Journal.
VIII. Be Straightforward
There is a well-known phrase that deals with being straightforward. You may hear someone reference the knife someone put in their back. This often means that someone thought another person was being honest with them but went behind their back and did something they didn’t approve of. You want to avoid this. If you have something to say to someone, just say it. Don’t talk behind their back on side channels or in backroom chatter. It’s rude, and it isn’t going to solve anything. It also doesn’t make you look good as people are probably judging you for talking that way about someone behind their back.
IX. Be Purposeful
Some people surround themselves with many people and call them all their friends. For some people, this works. However, I prefer to have a few select friends that I develop a deep friendship with, rather than a bunch of people I don’t actually have a connection with. I have changed my mindset from wanting to be surrounded by people to embracing time with a few close friends. In work, I try to seek out opportunities where my work can also drive positive change.
X. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
You are bound to make some mistakes. It is part of being human. However, you have to learn to recognize when a mistake is something that needs to be focused on and fixed versus when a mistake is something you need to just let go and move on. For example, failing one math test in school is not going to ruin your life. Learn from it and study harder next time. Stewing on the failure is going to make it harder to do well the next time. However, if you mess up something at work that is going to impact many people, you should work on fixing it and how to avoid making the mistake the next time. Just remember that the small mistakes aren’t going to matter at the end of your life. Don’t let the stress ruin your life.
YOU WILL BE DISAPPOINTED. You will know you deserve that promotion more than the other individual. You will listen to their words that tell you they value you yet not see any evidence. Someone you love will hurt you with their mistake or their transgression. You will see people with more money, more this, more that. Life isn’t always fair. But thank God for life and the opportunity to live another day regardless. Be grateful for the opportunity to walk around your neighborhood and find wonder in those little miracles you would otherwise ignore. Look at the ants at work. Smell the roses. Note the gentle swaying of the trees at the faintest breeze. Watch the birds chirp it up while the squirrels start to stock up for the winter season.
Remember that you work so that you may live. You don’t live to work. So Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff!
Commandments are guidelines, ideals
The first part of living a successful life is knowing what you want to get out of it. It is up to you to decide what ideals you want to live your life by. Take my ten commandments as a guide and create your own list of commandments you want to guide your life. Perhaps your list will be similar to mine, or maybe you will have a completely different list. Do what works for you. I would love to hear from you.
Be well. Lead on.
Adam
Covid is still an issue. Please stay safe, get vaccinated, and wear a mask around lots of unknown people.
Adam L. Stanley
Connections Blog Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
This blog was coauthored with Leif Maiorini, a tremendous leader within my team at Cushman & Wakefield. These are our views and not necessarily those of the company.
Your “citizens” do not need another arms race
You’re probably familiar with terms like “arms race” and “mutually assured destruction.” This refers to the Cold War period (1947 – 1991) between the U.S. and then-Soviet Union, who stockpiled nuclear arsenals to keep each other at bay. Now, it is true that none were ever deployed. Thus, we have two countries with lots of dead/decaying warheads, which is a costly mess to unwind economically and ecologically.
The net result is a great deal of value destruction (trillions of dollars). Driven by differences in social, economic and political points of view, their mutual desire to suppress the expansion of the other’s ideology is likely one of the greatest wastes of economic, political and social capital ever enacted.
The result was driven by fear, fear that the other would have a strategic advantage or a capability that would be used to tip the scale, changing the balance of power and resulting in global expansion of their opponent’s interests. The panic that one party would have an advantage over the other led to a considerable amount of irrational investment that would only be apparent in hindsight, long after the capital was spent, the leaders gone, and the stakeholder value destroyed.
You’ll hear the same term — “arms race” — applied to corporate America a lot right now. Nuclear war is far more serious than a concept like acqui-hiring, yes. But the arms race in corporate America, mostly seen through M&A, has the same root: irrational fear that the competition is getting ahead and need to take bold action to ensure that they have a defensive position. Far too often, ego-driven, growth-seeking leaders allow their personality get in the way of strong decision-making and experience (which presumably got them to that perch).
Many corporations are in their own version of a “cold war.” Afraid that their competitors might have an advantage, they rush into risky investments that usually result in a destruction of value for their stakeholders. Few companies get the synergy promised in their business case when they acquire another entity. More often than not, the acquiring company overpays and the culture clash results in a type of organ rejection that jettisons the best minds from the combined entity leaving the shareholders with a fraction of the anticipated value.
When you make decisions from a place of fear, power and ego, it can cloud your decision-making massively. The decisions that result are sub-optimal at best and essentially destroy companies at worst.
A good example here would be Hewlett Packard. They bought a company called Autonomy for $11.7 billion in 2011; because of accounting issues around that deal, they had to take a $8.8 billion write-down, which knocked out all their profits for an entire quarter. Some people have called HP and Compaq the worst merger in tech history. Meg Whitman has engineered an incredible turnaround there, but the company today is a much smaller version of what it was at peak.
Arms races rarely serve the best interests of “citizens”, in the case of corporations, our clients and customers. Thus, we believe we must seek first to understand unmet client demand and then invest in technologies and solutions that address those needs. We will not make technology investments from a position of fear, ego, or irrational impulse.
We continue to find partnering the most advantageous strategy for this rapidly changing space. With hundreds of start-ups entering the commercial real estate ecosystem each year, the ability to pivot and exploit the best solution is greater if you are able to partner. Few solutions offer true, differentiated capabilities and our clients dictate that we leverage and support a wide variety of solutions, often solutions that are seen as competing. This is difficult to do without an open, partnership approach.
We are a global real estate services company that leverages technology to increase the value we deliver to our citizenry. Acquiring a technology company does not make us a technology company, nor does it justify trading at multiples of revenue rather than EBITDA; thus it is possible that value is destroyed by most technology acquisitions. We look to strategic partnerships with aggregators like DMGI and Accruent as ways to support continued growth and investment in CRETech.
We continue to partner with innovative accelerators like MetaPropNYC, 1871 in Chicago, and Moderne Ventures to identify new players that could help us meet the needs of our clients as we work toward a POC as a Service model across our markets.
Our focus is on making our service lines more productive, creating a level of interconnectedness between them and our client, and providing the analytics that enable more effective decision making. Given that for most companies, real estate is their top (or second) largest expense, helping our customers get the greatest value from this investment is our top priority. .
So here’s the soapbox – Stop the arms race. The arms race described above — the Cold War version — certainly didn’t benefit any citizens. Companies have “citizens” too, those being clients and customers. So before you go out and make an irrational decision, ask a few questions:
What are the unmet client demands?
How should this demand be addressed? What are the solutions that create the greatest value?
Has this problem been solved? Is there something in the market (or a derivative market) that could help solve them?
What is the option that results in the greatest benefit to all parties and the greatest value for our customers?
What is the value of an acquisition, investment, or partnership? Who benefits? Are there competing solutions and will our strategy result in a transient, strategic, or little/no advantage for our stakeholders?
Would we be positioned to buy this market player? Is that the right decision?
What would that look like financially and culturally?
Are we buying this tech just to buy it, or is this serving a need and researched?
We believe that answering these questions, playing out the scenarios, and looking at the outcome with a high level of scrutiny will result in less acquisition activity, greater partnerships, and higher overall value for all involved.
Adam L. Stanley Connections Blog Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
Nothing good comes from being in the middle of the road. It’s funny we often take for granted little things that have overarching meanings in our everyday life. Take driving. Learning the rules of the road and using them keeps us and others safe while sending a clear message about the direction we’re traveling. What happens when we forget these rules? Ever seen the person flying onto an on ramp and merging into traffic without signaling? Or the person who wants to straddle the line on a thin dual-direction road? On the road and in life one thing is clear: you cannot both be coming and going at the same time. We can do either but the rules of the road force us to make a choice.
And in our career, what happens when we refuse to choose? Many believe we can straddle the professional line without anyone noticing. With one foot in our current role and the other waiting for the next best thing, we remain unaware that our ambivalence reeks.
It is important that we pick a side.
PICK A STRUGGLE
Adam wrote a blog a while back that was titled Don’t Miss your Bernie moment. The message was in general for leaders of organizations that have gone through major periods of change. The Bernie message was one of transition. It was saying to his supporters that the time has come to move on, united against a common evil, and rally together on a new shared mission. That blog was for leaders at the top of newly merged or fundamentally changed organizations. And it should absolutely resonate for many of you out there.
But there is another message and this is for everyone in the organization under such leaders. And the message is basically that once a leader has articulated the new shared vision for the organization you have a decision to make. Either align with that leader and support the mission, helping to drive the continued success of the organization. Or decide that this mission is simply not yours and move on. You need to pick a struggle. You need to pick a side. Just like being in the middle of the road while driving is not a viable option, being in the middle of the road as a member of a team is unacceptable.
Let’s be clear here. We are not at all saying that adherence to the mission of an organization requires a level of abject acceptance of any decisions that are made and any directions that are delivered. The value you bring to an organization is of course diversity of opinions and the ability to provide input into decisions driving the future of your organization. Never change that. However, there is a base level of acceptance that is required of any player on a major team.
Adam is a very big fan of Arsenal Football Club and anyone who knows the English Premier League teams knows that to some extent each team is fundamentally different than other teams. Their leaders are different and their style of play are also different. If someone joins Arsenal, the expectation is they will bring new talent, new ideas, and new strength to the club. However, they will still play under the style and direction that has been developed over dozens of years. They cannot come in and try to be a rock superstar constantly fighting against the leadership or their fellow team members. It simply does not work.
So, you’re at a Crossroads. You joined the company and you worked for a particular leader for years. You respected that leader and admired his or her vision for the future of the company. You now have been placed under a new leader and you dislike your new mission.
It is time to decide.
Our advice for you:
1) Consider what makes you happy at work. Be very honest and open with yourself. Be sure that you are not letting personal friendships or biases get in the way of sound judgment. I have worked for people who are fantastic people that I truly respected and I liked. But they were not always aligned with me strategically or going in the direction that I actually thought was best for our company.
2) Ask lots of questions and truly get to know the new leader. If you suspect there is a fundamental misalignment with your view of strategic direction for the company, do your research. List out your perceived differences and ask questions that get to a point where you can confirm one way or the other. You may actually be surprised both at your misunderstanding of the misalignment or in your leader’s interest and ability to change based on strong feedback
3) Check the grass on the other side. Research other players in your industry and see if they are going in a fundamentally different direction. It could be that your ideas are not aligned with the way the world is shifting. You could be the one on the wrong side of the road. And hey, we’ve all been wrong sometimes. This exploration of the other side will also help you and your decision to stay or leave for another company. If, after all, other companies in your industry will be going in the same direction, you might be left all alone.
4) Change your way of thinking. Adam wrote a blog on Allies on a Tour of Duty, about investing in talent for the long-term. The concept there was around each role being a different opportunity for you to build on particular skills and learn new ones. Never considering that any would be permanent. Change your way of thinking so that this new strategic direction under this new leader is another Tour of Duty. It’s an opportunity for you to prove that your intellect and your skills are transferable and can be applied under different fields of battle.
5) Determine your time horizon. There is a particular amount of time that you will wait it out and try to make it work before one of two things happens. Either you will become so despondent and disengaged that you will be miserable at work and miserable to work with. Or, your performance will suffer and your contributions will decline and instead of leaving on a high you will leave with an impression a failure. When not happy at work, your performance will suffer and your reputation can as well.
6) Just Leave. If you’ve come to the conclusion that it’s simply not going to work or you don’t want it to then you should do yourself and the organization a favor and respectfully exit. Fortunately, we are not tied to any one company and where we decide to work is a choice. Choose to be solid teammate and manager, productive and most of all happy…elsewhere.
Choose Your Side
Staying in the middle of the road is not good for any players involved. Your leadership will be disappointed in your performance and your attitude. Your peers will notice your lack of Engagement. And those that do not know you well will brand that as part of your personality and your skill set. And you will be unhappy and feel increasingly disengaged and alone. That is a position that no one wants to be in at work. Therefore, we encourage you to pick a struggle. Pick a side.
Let us know what you think. Have you been in a situation where your colleague was clearly straddling the middle line? Have you managed someone like that?
Be well. Lead On. Adam
This blog was coauthored with Apriel Biggs-Coker. These are our views and not necessarily those of the company.
Adam L. Stanley Connections Blog Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
Let me start out this post by saying it’s NOT about politics. In fact, let me repeat that one more time right up top: it’s not about politics. It’s about how a figure in the 2016 political landscape — nope, not Trump — can teach you something about business and culture within organizations.
I was watching a few nights of the Democratic National Convention last week and when I saw Bernie Sanders speaking to the crowd, I sent a one-word text to a good friend of mine: Brilliant.
Why did I think it was brilliant?
Bernie Sanders took his followers through three major stages of any process:
Celebration
Application
Dedication
This is insanely hard to do. In fact, just the other week — after seeing Bernie at the convention — I was having lunch with a colleague and we were talking about merger integration. As I think most people know or realize, most mergers fail. (83% is a conventional number thrown around.) And yet, we see them every week — in this summer alone, we’ve seen Microsoft grab LinkedIn (for a lot) and Verizon grab Yahoo (for not nearly as much). That part makes sense: mergers are one of the fastest paths to growth.
Here’s what is harder: in every merger or acquisition, there’s a company and set of leaders who “won” or will “win” in terms of their ideas, processes, and culture coming through stronger. This happens in politics, obviously: Clinton beat Sanders, and Trump beat Cruz and Rubio and others. It’s the nature of competition that certain people, and ideas, win out over others.
Every company and leader that gets into these positions, though, has a Bernie Moment. It’s where you can choose to move from application to dedication on behalf of another set of leaders, or another company.
You can’t miss the Bernie Moment. When you miss it, your merger/acquisition is headed for that 83% failure rate stat above.
So what’s the method for arriving at the Bernie Moment? I’d say it breaks down into five parts:
Celebrate the previous victories
If you watched Bernie’s speech at the DNC, he spent the first couple of minutes on himself. He talked about all the votes he received. He mentioned that donations averaged $27 (the crowd loved that part). He mentioned all the voters who had never participated before. He defined it as a movement, essentially.
This was a crucial step because you had 5-10 minutes of yelling and hollering in a happy way. The crowd was chanting “Bernie!” almost the entire time. This needed to happen first, because if he had gone right into supporting Hillary, his supporters would have booed the hell out of that. A TV moment like that isn’t good for Hillary, and it isn’t good for what Bernie accomplished in this campaign cycle.
For a leader, then, it needs to begin with celebrating the wins that came before. That gets everyone aligned around the greatness of the cause and the work.
Be honest about change
After the crowd was fired up, Bernie admitted defeat. He lost. It wasn’t useful to sugarcoat it. He came right out and said it:
I understand that many people here in this convention hall and around the country are disappointed about the final results of the nominating process. I think it’s fair to say that no one is more disappointed than I am.
If you’re familiar with the standard stages of grief, it looks something like this:
As a leader or when building out a culture/movement, though, it doesn’t move in this exact way. Bernie almost began on the far right side — affirmation, hope — then moved down to depression. It’s almost the reverse of the standard grief curve, which usually happens when a loved one dies or something else terrible happens.
By now, though, Bernie had fired up the crowd then reset them in reality. Now it was time for the transition point.
Transition
Here’s what he did here:
Let me be as clear as I can be. This election is not about and has never been about Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump or Bernie Sanders or any of the other candidates who sought the presidency. This election is not about political gossip, it’s not about polls, it’s not about campaign strategy, it is not about all the things that the media spends so much time discussing.
This election is about and must be about the needs of the American people and the kind of future we create for our children and our grandchildren.
In short, this is what he was saying: the mission is the mission, and the mission is important. It’s not about the people. It’s about the purpose.
This has TONS of implications in mergers/acquisitions, because usually what happens in those contexts is that one culture is totally absorbed by the other — so the “losing” culture is chucked out the window, essentially. If you have one culture based on financial metrics only and one culture based on collaboration/sharing, and the latter culture loses, well, those people who liked collaboration feel they now have to adapt or get a new job ASAP.
Leaders often try to skirt this issue by appealing to mission, purpose, and core values. That’s the “transition” moment in mergers. That’s when you move from “We were two companies” to “Now we’re one company, and let’s be honest, stuff will be different around here.” But you can make people focus less on what’s going to be different by appealing to a purpose. That’s what Bernie did and what a good leader can do.
Moving On
In standard grief cycles, this is “acceptance.” Bernie transitioned to supporting Clinton and encouraging others to support her as well. Days earlier, when he even remotely suggested this, he was booed. But here, he had to move on. Now, it’s easier to move on when you can …
Find a common enemy
In an article from The New Yorker about how the gun industry markets itself (and please remember, again, that this post is not meant to be political), there was a reference to the acknowledged technique of generating revenue by emphasizing the boundaries of a community. “We all have the need to belong,” he wrote in a presentation entitled “How to Turn One of Mankind’s Deepest Needs Into Cold, Hard Cash.” In a section called “How Do You Create Belief & Belonging?” he explained, “You can’t have a yin without a yang. Must have an enemy.”
Bernie made Trump, and his implied lack of focus on mission/purpose, the common enemy. In this way, he wasn’t necessarily “siding” with Hillary so much as he was working alongside her against a common foe.
This is really important in business. You wouldn’t do the merger or acquisition unless there was some value-add on both sides, right? So the value-add was there, the financials and legal repercussions were vetted, and it proceeded. Now you’re together. It’s going to be hard but you’re together against a common enemy — your competition, or the idea you’re trying to take down. When Google buys a company, for example, hopefully it’s fitting into the matrix of “organizing the world’s information.” The acquired company has common enemies with Google now — other tech rivals, but also processes that are making it hard for people to acquire and organize information.
That’s the five-step path to your Bernie Moment, then:
Celebrate
Accept fate and be honest
Transition
Move on
Find a common enemy
It worked for Bernie — he’s continuing his movement — and it can work for your business, whether you’re Satya Nadella and Jeff Weiner or two guys merging local ice cream stores. Just think about the process and try not to miss your Bernie moment!
4) Change your way of thinking. Adam wrote a blog on 
Let me start out this post by saying it’s NOT about politics. In fact, let me repeat that one more time right up top: it’s not about politics. It’s about how a figure in the 2016 political landscape — nope, not Trump — can teach you something about business and culture within organizations.
