by Adam L Stanley | Nov 29, 2014 | Leadership, Life, Relationships, Technology
Could it be that your Mr or Mrs Right is standing in front of you at Starbucks or Protein Bar?
Can you live without it for a week? Day? 5 minutes?
Put down your smartphones people. Let me repeat. Put down your smartphone. Well, after you read this blog of course.
Every morning, I stand in line at Starbucks waiting for my daily grande black eye and roasted ham and swiss sandwich. Yes, a creature of habit, I get the same thing every day, 510 calories of buttery goodness. But I digress. As I stand in line, I look at the diversity of people standing around me. I see tall and short. I see black, white, Latino, and Asian. I see thick and thin. I see business women, artists, bicycle messengers, and lawyers (lots of lawyers, actually). I see gay and straight, tall and short. Lots of people I find attractive, and some you might find attractive even if I do not. And, more often than not, NONE OF THESE PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY TALKING TO EACH OTHER. No actual engaging in human interaction with other beings. What are they doing? They are on their smartphones.
Texting. Facebooking. Snapchatting. Emailing. Tweeting. Blogging. Calendaring. Working. Planning. Doing just about everything except actually communicating with people nearby.
And all I can think is, what a missed opportunity? Growing up, I remember my mom taking me to the grocery store with her. While waiting in line to checkout, inevitably, she would end up in conversation with the person behind her. My dad would share his opinions with just about everyone he ran into in a local hardware store or at the police station after work. I grew up communicating with people and the love of communicating, coupled with my fascination with people watching, has been with me for decades. Enter smartphones.
And now, yes, I find myself standing in line searching for the latest blog by Switch and Shift, seeing what my colleagues are chatting about on Yammer, religiously following back on Twitter, and fighting the never ending battle to clean out my email inbox (Sad reality: It will never happen. Just accept it.) So, lest I be called a hypocrite, I will admit what I am asking you to do is difficult. INCREDIBLY difficult. Â But let’s try it together.
Let’s put down our cell phones.
1) Set a target for how long you will leave it in a drawer or the car.
Only you can decide what is a stretch but realistic target in terms of period of time. Could be a a week? A day? How about an hour during the business day? 5 minutes?
2) Go somewhere you go fairly regularly, and strike up a conversation with someone around you
During your no cell phone (day/week/hour/minute) make a visit to a grocery store, coffee shop, food spot, office break room, or anywhere you typically find yourself on a fairly regular basis. Do what you normally do EXCEPT use your phone (to completely avoid temptation, pay with … gasp … CASH rather than using your smartphone payment app). If you, like me, get energy from others and are more extroverted, strike up a conversation. If you are more of a people watcher, just observe the traits, attitudes, outfits, hair, whatever! If you are bold, flirt with the amazing person you now realize comes to the same place at the same time every day.
3) Encourage someone else to do the same thing.
You will meet someone cool, notice a new hair style or fashion, or maybe even simply realize for the first time how good your coffee tastes when you drink it piping hot and only focus on the experience. Share that with someone, share it with me or others on this blog. Spread the word.
With so many dating sites around, perhaps some of you are spending this time on these sites, editing your profile and replying to messages? There are sites for Christians, Jews, farmers, baby boomers, gay men and lesbian women, millionaires, and more. And I have many many many friends that are long-term or recently single. As I look around at the heads bowed down, eyes focused on phones and tablets, I can’t help but wonder if perhaps we are missing something fairly basic.
Could it be that your Mr or Mrs Right is standing in front of you at Starbucks or Protein Bar? Look up. Now!
Be Well. Lead On.
Adam
One final note >>>
Pedestrians: Put down your cell phones. Unless you live in a city that has one of these special cellphone lanes. Yeah, I think its pretty sad too!
Cellphone Lane? (China Daily via Reuters)
Adam Stanley
Adam L. Stanley Connections Blog
Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
AdamLStanley.com
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by Adam L Stanley | Sep 11, 2014 | Leadership, Life, Relationships
911: Never Forget
September 11, 2001, Morning
For years, I have shared with many of you, my blog and social media friends, my story of the morning and afternoon of the attacks on America on September 11, 2001. For those who may not have read it, you can click here.
I’ve shared the miracle that I took a different route to work that day and instead of walking through the WTC, I taxi’d around it. I spoke of the shock and the anger and the different emotions throughout that morning as I realized that this was not another boiler explosion but an outright attack. I spoke of the heroism of the first responders and the leaders I saw demonstrate courage and strength in the midst of a crisis that day. I shared my walk through dust and debris across the Brooklyn Bridge and my sense of anger and frustration. And I mentioned that I did not have a clue what I would do when I got over that bridge to Brooklyn.
13 years later, I find myself planning for a trip to New York again, tomorrow, September 12. I am going to celebrate the marriage of the daughter of a good friend, in Brooklyn. I have never publicly shared what happened after I crossed the bridge but I want to share this year. As I celebrate love and union in Brooklyn, I remember compassion, and unity, after such a horrible event changed our lives forever.
September 11, 2001 around 12 noon
When I first walked over into Brooklyn, I remember thinking how ironic it was that this was the first time I had been in the borough. In fact, it was the first time I had left Manhattan. Sad, I know. I had dozens of friends, especially many from my class at Wharton, that lived in Manhattan and, like me, lived a life that was primarily stretching from Lower Manhattan to Midtown. The adventurers in our group lived on the Upper East Side and some even in Harlem but none that I knew were in Brooklyn (tons of them live there now).
A mobile cell tower had been set up near the Marriott Hotel and several people were nearby using the signal to contact family, friends, and loved ones. I started to make calls and confirmed that all of my friends had headed North from Tribeca and were in the “safe zone” north of lower Manhattan. As I stood wondering where I would go and where I would sleep (my clothing was all in the Embassy Suites on the other side of the World Trade Center), I received a call from my friend Kim, checking to see that I was OK. I told her my situation and she made a call to a friend who grew up in brooklyn.
Her friend called a friend and about 20 minutes later I was walking with a perfect stranger to a brownstone in Brooklyn. We had different backgrounds and experiences that morning but the emotions were similar. Along with his girlfriend, we sat in the living room watching events continue to unfold including further buildings falling and information coming out about the attackers.
After a couple of hours, his girlfriend (who is as you have figured out by now 4 X removed from my friend Kim) drove me to her mother’s house. Yes, this was another first. I was driving to Queens. I was to spend the night after the attacks sleeping in a twin sized bed in the room of a boy who I believe was around 8 years old. The room was full of pictures and art work and school awards…. a stunning vignette of innocence in direct and stark contrast to the horrors of the day.
This family that didn’t know me from Adam (pardon the expression) picked me up when I was at my angriest and despairing point, took me to Target to get some basics, fed me and made me feel comfortable in that twin bed in that child’s room in the comfortable house, in the family neighborhood of Queens.
It took about two days for me to get back to Chicago and that trip involved making my way by train to Philadelphia, and sharing a van with more strangers for a drive back to Chicago. Perhaps some day I will share that story as well, and maybe I will talk about my return to Manhattan on September 22. The fact is, there are so many memories, good and bad, and some are housed in the back corners of my mind for my use only. This year, I choose to celebrate the memory of those we lost by thinking of the good that came out of tragedy The unity of a city and the nation. And the compassion of the little boy who slept on the sofa so that I could have his twin bed and try to sleep away the memories of what I saw on the other side of New York.
However you choose to remember, make today a day for doing something kind for a stranger, helping out, giving back, showing compassion. Make a difference to someone. That’s how we honor fallen heros and innocent victims. That’s how we try to move on and bring good from the bad.
Be well. Lead On.
Adam
Related Posts:
Remembering 9/11 – 15 years later (2016)
Remembering 9/11/01 – My Morning in Lower Manhattan (2011)
Remembering the kindness of strangers – September 11 (2014)
Retracing My Steps (2017)
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Click here for story from morning on 9/11.
by Adam L Stanley | Dec 18, 2013 | Life
When you carry out acts of kindness you get a wonderful feeling inside. It is as though something inside your body responds and says, yes, this is how I ought to feel.
Harold Kushner
Life is an echo. Karma is a …
Christmas is often the best time to see the true character of people. You see the good and the bad. You see those who find great joy in giving to family, to friends, and to those in need. You see those that seem to take joy mostly in receiving from family and friends. You see those that love unconditionally and show that love through physical and verbal manifestations of caring. And you see those that truly don’t seem to have an ounce of caring inside. Yes, the negative of Christmas is that sometimes it brings out the very worst in people or at least makes the bad that’s already inside much clearer. It highlights the negative like the bright lights on Michigan Ave in Chicago highlight the stores or the shiny garland and ornaments highlight Christmas trees.
Today, my soapbox message is a simple one and it is a message that has been delivered through centuries and ages. From spiritual leaders and deities, to actors, comedians, and politicians; and everyone in between. It is this: Doing good feels good. Loving feels good. Giving feels good. Supporting feels good. Commiserating feels good. Forgiving feels good. And, even better, in addition to feeling good you have the additional benefit that people return all of the above right back to you. Yes, absolutely true and proven time and time again is the Golden Rule that one does unto others as he or she wants done unto him; Do good. Feel good. Receive good.
This is the time to forgive. This is the time to perform a random act of kindness. This is the time to love. This is the time to understand and ask questions. To listen. It is not the time to hold grudges or seek revenge. It is not the time to be angry or jealous. It is not the time to fight over material things or hurt feelings.
I’m posting on #karma today on my facebook page, LinkedIn, Instagram, and twitter. If you follow me on all, you will see several thought provoking images. Confucius, Jesus Christ, Buddha and several other great thinkers and spiritual leaders all seemed to believe that what goes around comes around and it is better to do good thing to do ill.
Thanks for reading another soapbox rant. Smile. What are your thoughts on karma or The Golden Rule? Have you experienced personally or through someone else the results of bad Karma? Seen someone blessed beyond imagining after doing good and giving sacrificially? Share below please. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.
Be well. Lead On.
Adam
Related Posts:
Who Am I?
Expectations of Leaders at all Levels
Khalil Gibran on Leadership
Lessons from Henry V
Adam Stanley
Adam L. Stanley Connections Blog
Technology. Leadership. Food. Life.
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by Adam L Stanley | Jul 21, 2013 | Life
I wanted to post a quick blog on something completely unrelated to my normal topics. I typically talk about leadership, technology, life, food and wine. So, this is completely random and it will be very brief. So thanks in advance for humoring me and reading.
Today, I delivered a stray kitten that had been left under my back deck to the Anti Cruelty Society in downtown Chicago. I found the little guy yesterday and knew immediately that he was too young to have been left alone and that he was likely going to die if he did not receive urgent care. Further, I suspected that having been abandoned by a likely nursing mother, it would be difficult for the cat to survive even under the best of care. That said, I still had a little glimmer of hope that if I were able to deliver the kitten to the society something would be done and he would have a chance.
Unfortunately, that was not the case and as I delivered the cat, I was told that he would have to be euthanized because at two weeks old there was no way he could survive without the mother. I looked into the cute black eyes of the teeny cat that I had grown fond of in such a short period of time that he was in my care and I said goodbye and wished him peace. I do know that had I left him outside he would have died regardless and would have died alone, hot, and uncomfortable. Now, a very simple and painless procedure will be performed and he will fall asleep and rest for good.
My little furball that I had for just a day will be gone before the next 12 hours pass.
So, why did I put this into a blog and what should it mean to you? Well, if nothing else comes from this, hopefully I can share the information that I received from the anti-cruelty society.
First: if you have pets yourself please spay or neuter them. On the off chance that something were to happen where they were lost or somehow out of your sight they could produce children that could be abandoned like the little kitten that I found.
Second: most large cities have programs whereby you are able to humanely trap feral cats or dogs and bring them to the city or to the local Cruelty Society. They can be spayed or neutered for free, then released back if necessary into their outdoor environment. I realize that everyone is not able to or interested in adopting a pet, however we can control the pet population and help avoid abandonment and unloved animals with these types of programs.
Finally, if you do have room in your home or in your heart for pets, I absolutely believe they can bring joy into the most dower household. Therefore I encourage you to consider adopting a pet or making a donation to your local animal welfare or adoption center.
I wasn’t able to save the cute little guy that I found under my back stairs but I hope that we can save another little guy, control the pet population, and perhaps bring a little joy to someone’s house while providing love and shelter for a little kitten.
Be Well. Lead On.
Adam
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by Adam L Stanley | Jun 13, 2013 | Life
***Updated June 13, 2013 from blog post of June 2012***
Most of you know of my goal to visit, live or work in at least 50 countries before I turn 50. When I set the goal I remember thinking how far away I was to both 50s!! Now, not so much!! I thought I would post my list and provide an update. I’ve also posted my targets for hitting the remaining countries!
VISITED THUS FAR:
South Africa
Botswana
Zimbabwe
Egypt
Morocco
Italy (Holiday June 2013 really enhanced experience of this country)
Spain
France
Hungary
Czech Republic
United Kingdom (England, Scotland)
Ireland
Switzerland
Germany
Netherlands
Turks and Caicos
Virgin Islands – st john, st thomas
Bahamas
Mauritius
United States
Denmark
Belgium
Austria
Holy See (Vatican City)
Canada
Costa Rica
Puerto Rico
Mexico
Brazil
Argentina
Singapore
Hong Kong
Japan
India
Thailand
Australia
New Zealand
Portugal
Poland
Greece
Turkey
Total: 41 as of June 2013
Removed due to short length of visit:
Namibia (1999)
Zambia (1999)
United Arab Emirates (Dubai 2012)
Target 2013/14:
Romania
Croatia
Israel
Dream finish:
Fiji
Kenya
Nigeria
Ghana
Bali
Tanzania
Madagascar
I still won’t advertise my age but at least you know how many countries. Let me know where you think I should try to go next. Do you agree with my dream countries?
I love meeting people, learning about different cultures and, of course, eating food at great restaurants around the world. Happy to share this part of my life with you.
In global citizenship,
Adam
